He's Such a Coward He Can Laugh
by SynesthesiaAddict
Summary: Ever wonder why Shizuo hates Izaya so much?
1. An Introduction

**He's Such a Coward He Can Laugh**

_A/N: This fanfiction is based on the Japanese sub of the anime, not the manga (or the dub). Though I mention Izaya's sisters (who only appear in the manga and briefly in episode 25), I haven't really read the manga, so forgive any inconsistencies that appear as a result. I also include some Japanese name suffixes, and in case you are not familiar: __**-san**__, a term of respect or addressing someone older; like mr. or miss. __**-chan**__, addressing an equal on good terms, perceived as passive. Alternatively used to describe something cute or girly. __**-kun**__, addressing an equal or someone younger, perceived as aggressive. __**No suffix**__, intimately familiar like immediate family or lovers. Alternatively a grave insult. I do this to show that Izaya often uses inappropriate familiarity when he speaks to people. This particular introduction is rated T/PG-13 for swears and a teeny bit of lime in the preview, but __**WILL BECOME RATED M NEXT CHAPTER AND ON**__. Specifically for: M/M lemon, HJ (hand job), Oral, Anal, RR (role reversal), Narc (drug reference and use), N/C (non-consensual), Minor2 (sex between people under the age of 18, over the age of 14), Violence, Language (many, many f-bombs) and even a bit of Cyber. Oh yeah, I don't own these guys, nor do I make money off this. *sighs...* -_-; Enjoy!_

**He's Such a Coward He Can Laugh**

**Chapter One**

**An Introduction**

(((Heiwajima Shizuo)))

I couldn't decide if I wanted to beat him to death with my fists or rape that smirk right off of his face.

Ugh. Just thinking about that pest makes me want to chuck the first vending machine I see all the way to Shinjuku, or wherever he likes to skulk about, doing dirty business for god knows what reasons.

Orihara Izaya.

I guess I was in a reminiscent mood this morning in the shower, because the bastard invaded my thoughts like a freight train, and wouldn't go away. Ever since I saw him back in Ikebukuro playing what could be none other than head-games with those high-schoolers from Raira, that rage overtook me again, and even though it had subsided enough to not destroy everything in my path, it still bubbled and boiled in my gut.

Just remembering those days brought heat to my face; made me tremble; made me swell up from rage and desire. Hatred and longing – what a strange combination. It pissed me right the fuck off every time I thought about how I just played right into his hands, and whenever I see him messing with someone else the same way, it makes me even angrier. If only it had been obvious that he was a manipulative fiend, but no, a hummingbird couldn't catch him at work. When he acted sincere, you actually thought he meant it. Sarcastic wit was the jam to the havoc and mayhem that was his bread and butter.

I guess that's what allowed me to fall into his trap in the first place.

Raira was a prestigious school, so I wasn't really surprised that Shinra got in too. I wasn't really surprised at his pestering to examine me in some way, shape or form either; he'd been doing it ever since I'd lifted that fridge to throw at Kasuka and nearly snapped my neck in two.

Shinra didn't know I'd already met my nemesis by the time he'd introduced us. Far more than met.

"37, 54, 12... dammit..." I muttered.

"... but seriously, I've been thinking about the massive amount of damage you've sustained over the years. Think about it, Shizuo-kun!" Shinra was babbling. "Any other person would be permanently crippled by now! Aren't you in the least bit interested how your body can take that kind of punishment?"

I wasn't really listening. "37, 54, 12... _fuck!" _I cursed, biting my lip. No, don't get angry here, not a stupid locker... the school would charge my parents money for damages, and they'd already had enough of that from middle-school. Not on the first day here...

"I mean... you broke my arm four years ago and it still aches when it rains..." Shinra continued. I was grateful when his cell phone busted out with the Friday the 13th theme. "Oh? Hang on, Shizuo-kun, it's Celty. I gotta take this. … Hello? … No, I haven't seen my uncle in a long time..." He of course, wandered off, leaving me in a puddle of frustration at the goddamn locker!

"37... 54 ...12... **MOTHER FF–!" **I raised my fist.

"Need some help?"

There he was, leaning against the locker next to mine, wearing a sympathetic smirk. Everything about him screamed "rebellion." His outfit, his posture, his expression... for a second I just stared he was so out of place.

"There's a trick to it, you know," the guy said unprompted. He spun my lock deftly, gave the locker a light tap in the bottom corner with his shoe and the damn thing popped right open. "You'll get used to it, I'm sure."

It took me a moment to reorient myself, but the moment quickly passed and I began to unload my books into the tiny metal compartment. "Where's your uniform?" I finally asked.

The boy laughed. "What an interesting opening! I think I like you already. I'm home-schooled, I only come here for exams and certain extracurricular activities."

"Home schooling is for retards and trouble-makers," I shot at him.

"I guess I would be a trouble-maker, then! They didn't like me in middle-school." Smile, smile, smile. Something about him was fascinating at the time. I could not take my eyes away from him. I didn't know why. "Ah! Where are my manners. My name is Orihara Izaya."

"Heiwajima Shizuo," I replied, shaking his hand slowly. He wore a ring on his index finger on both hands. Curiosity was building. Why would this delinquent take such an interest in me?

"Oh! You're the one who rips up road signs and bashes them over people's heads, right?"

"Sure, I guess."

"Ah. Well, that must be irritating."

"What?"

"Being known for something you can't control... something you hate."

I looked him right in the eye – he was being serious. How...? I'd just met him two minutes ago and... "Izaya-san..."

His cell phone came to life, the theme to some cheesy popular anime at the time. It sounded cheesy anyway. I wondered if he had set it to sound like that on purpose. "Yo. Oh, right, I'll be right there. No, I didn't forget, do I ever? Haha. I should be done by noon, you'll have the goods, right? Good, good. See you then. Peace." He winked at me. "Gotta jet, Shizu-chan! It was nice meeting you. I'm sure we'll see each other again."

And he was gone.

At that first meeting, sex had been the last thing on my mind. I was still trying to figure out the female orgasm, like most sixteen-year-olds, so my sexual identity hadn't fully coalesced yet.

I suppose Izaya would be the reason I'd sworn off men forever anyway. I guess it was for the best, even though he was the one that had broken the damaging spell that rage had upon my body.

Our next meeting wasn't so docile.

**end chapter one**

****Preview: Chapter Two: The Ninth Floor****

_I sort of backed up a step and blinked, feeling the heat rush to my face. No mistaking it. He was definitely coming onto me, and I had unwittingly stepped into his lair. Well... unwittingly wasn't exactly the right word I suppose. I'd suspected, ever since I saw him observing me from the second floor walking into Raira. And in a giddy sort of stupor, unsure of just what I was getting myself into, I'd complacently walked right into his eager hands._

_The more I think about it, the more it pisses me off. At the time it was exhilarating._

_"Wh...what do you mean by that?" I stammered stupidly._

_He pressed in close, barely an inch from my face, leaning against the wall behind me with a hungry look on his face. I was taller than him by several inches, but he seemed to loom in an eerily evil way, as if he were a predator. I suddenly found myself in the position of prey, which was a startlingly new experience. I was Heiwajima Shizuo! I kicked the shit out of people twice my size in droves. I don't go down without a fight. I don't go down period. The only thing I lacked control over was this rage that struck out of nowhere on its own accord. How did I end up in such a submissive position?_

_"What do you think I mean by that?" I trembled with my feet frozen to the spot, hand gripping the strap to my bag so hard it ached as his lips brushed my neck, his breath tickling my ear ever so slightly. He was testing me. Testing my reaction? Had to be. "Something wrong, Shizu-chan?" he whispered silkily._

**end preview**


	2. The Ninth Floor

**He's Such a Coward He Can Laugh**

**Chapter Two**

**The Ninth Floor**

_Recommended Listening: "Somebody Told Me" – The Killers, "Suck" – Nine Inch Nails, "Frozen" – Cell Dwellers_

(((Heiwajima Shizuo)))

It was that Friday night. Shinra and I parted at the West Gate Park like we usually did. He would meet up with a strange biker in black and I would go home to have dinner with my brother before our parents got home from work. I had about six blocks to myself, as opposed to the four in middle-school. We lived too close to Raira to bust out on our own just yet. I was just glad I didn't have to pass by that bakery anymore. Too much guilt...

"Dude, you just fucked my main supplier over, and you expect me to sit down and take that shit?"

"You're in for a world of hurt, you little snot."

"Don't fuck with the Blue Squares. We'll teach you some manners!"

I paused. Some drug deal fight in an alleyway. Not an uncommon sight in Ikebukuro. This arrangement seemed unique however, and in a flash I saw why.

The accused was not groveling for forgiveness before the gang thugs, but was leaning against the wall with that smirk, looking bored with the threats.

Izaya.

"Oh, don't put it that way, boys!" he was saying nonchalantly. "These things happen you know. Please don't mess with me, you'll truss up my new jacket..."

"You cheeky little shit!"

Izaya deftly ducked away from the first punch. My pencil snapped in my hand.

The second blow I personally caught mid-swing.

"Shizu-chan?" Izaya seemed honestly surprised.

"Who the fuck is this?" one of them exclaimed.

"Whoever he is, he's dead!"

"You guys picked the wrong day to fuck with me or my friends," I told them, that rage building up inside of me. The attack stalled after I swung the initiator by the wrists into and through the brick wall we were standing by. Jaws went slack after they heard bones crunch, and suddenly they were overcome with fear. Fear of me.

"Wh-what?" one of them managed.

I could feel Izaya grinning evilly behind me. I took the hesitation as an opportunity to lift the dumpster next to me up and over my head, then squarely onto theirs. They didn't stand a chance. Crushed in an instant, though the pathetic moaning under the massive thing assured me that I had yet to kill anyone.

"Well, well, what a surprise!" Izaya gloated. "A pleasant one at that! See you later, guys! Oh, and..." he bent down and lifted the wallet and a bag from a convenience store from one of the figures' limbs sticking out form under the trash. "Thank you for your patronage!" He turned to me. "Shall we, Shizu-chan?"

I rolled my shoulder and grunted, trying to pop it back into place. At least nothing actually broke this time. Picking up my school bag, I followed him. Not sure why, but it seemed like the right thing to do, especially if he was getting flagged by local gangs.

"So, what are you, a dealer?" I asked as we walked.

Izaya laughed. "As if! Nah, I was just doing a favor for Dotachin! Shady types, them..."

"Dota... chin?"

"You know, Kyohei Kadota? He's in your class, isn't he?"

"Oh. Right." Didn't know Kadota was into gang activity until then. In hindsight, I would have thought Izaya had been lying (which he probably was anyway), but recent events had revealed that Kadota was indeed a member of the Dollars, and had a hand in the Blue vs Yellow a while back. Hadn't spoken to him in a while.

Anyway...

Izaya glanced into the wallet and whistled. "Oh my, we have quite the catch here!"

"Don't you think you'll piss his buddies off, robbing him like that?" I asked.

"Undoubtably," he replied, wearing that knowing smirk. Like he was counting on it. Then he shrugged and sat on a bench. I realized that we were at a bus stop to Shinjuku. Izaya began to go through the bag. "Hmmm... let's see here. Doritos, rubber gloves, wooden dowels, a pair of _… lovely _lady panties … and hair bleach. Interesting combination, huh Shizu-chan?"

I actually smiled. "You're mind is in the gutter, pal."

"You know it."

I think I actually blushed. "Uh... hey, I –"

"You'd look good as a blond," Izaya said out of the blue.

"Huh?"

"Let's dye your hair!" he suddenly said, face lighting up.

"Why don't you do it?" I asked.

"Can you imagine me with blond hair?" Izaya laughed. "I don't have the face for it. But you..." he stood close and ran his fingers through my hair. Goosebumps erupted across my skin and I froze with the sensation. Weren't girls supposed to make you feel this way? Oh wow, oh no... "Let's make you look like a rock star."

I was too dumbfounded to say no. The bus pulled up and I followed him on like a dream. He had a goddamned spell on me or something. That bastard always had a knack for getting his way with minimal effort on his part. My fingers were shaking as I texted Kasuka to let him know I wouldn't be home for a bit. I kept my face placid as I watched Izaya watch all the people load on, take their seats, get up and load off, casually munching on the stolen Doritos.

"That girl there wants to die, but she feels too obligated to her family to go through with it," he was saying, gesturing to a girl from another school sitting several seats ahead. "And that guy over there? He lost his job but can't work up the balls to tell his family, so he leaves his house and wanders around for ten hours a day, wondering how he's going to pay his bills."

"So?" I asked.

"Look at their faces, Shizu-chan. Blank. Perfectly tranquil. Masks. People wear them with startling clarity, and it reveals worlds about them." Izaya leaned back and sighed in content. "God I love humans!"

"How do you know this stuff?" I asked. "And if humans are so great, why don't you go try and help them?"

"It's easy to read if you know how," he replied. "I only 'help' when I suspect a particularly interesting response to emotional stimuli. Don't misunderstand. I could care less about individuals. The race as a whole is what I love, and what I love to see change and evolve under pressure. Like coal to diamonds..." He got a wistful expression on his face, then he turned to look at me and smiled. "But I want to see what makes you in particular tick, Shizuo."

_Mindreader! _I could have sworn it at the time. Though given the supernatural crap I'd seen lately, it would not surprise me in the slightest if Izaya had been some kind of magician this whole time. Like he knew what I was going to ask next. I've never been big on words, but never had I been so much at a loss as to what to say in Izaya's presence.

Izaya rose from his seat and stretched. "This is it."

"Huh?"

"Our stop."

"Oh." Duh. Why were my palms so sweaty? Following him off the bus, we walked a block and into a large apartment complex. It was clear that either he or his parents were well off to be put up in a place like this. "I thought you were home-schooled," I said as we stepped into the elevator.

"Folks send a tutor," he replied, not missing a beat. He pulled out the hair dye and examined the box. "Oh yeah, this is gonna look great on you. The chick on the box is cute, but you've got her beat, hands down, for sure."

I sort of backed up a step and blinked, feeling the heat rush to my face. No mistaking it. He was definitely coming onto me, and I had unwittingly stepped into his lair. Well... unwittingly wasn't exactly the right word I suppose. I'd suspected, ever since I saw him observing me from the second floor walking into Raira. And in a giddy sort of stupor, unsure of just what I was getting myself into, I'd complacently walked right into his eager hands.

The more I think about it, the more it pisses me off. At the time it was exhilarating.

"Wh...what do you mean by that?" I stammered stupidly.

He pressed in close, barely an inch from my face, leaning against the wall behind me with a hungry look on his face. I was taller than him by several inches, but he seemed to loom in an eerily evil way, as if he were a predator. I suddenly found myself in the position of prey, which was a startlingly new experience. I was Heiwajima Shizuo! I kicked the shit out of people twice my size in droves. I don't go down without a fight. I don't go down period. The only thing I lacked control over was this rage that struck out of nowhere on its own accord. How did I end up in such a submissive position?

"What do you think I mean by that?" I trembled with my feet frozen to the spot, hand gripping the strap to my bag so hard it ached as his lips brushed my neck, his breath tickling my ear ever so slightly. He was testing me. Testing my reaction? Had to be. "Something wrong, Shizu-chan?" he whispered silkily.

"I... I'm not..."

"Not gay? Heh. Labels are so worthless. It is what it is you know... and your hard on says otherwise."

Not sure what I was going to say next. My lips parted to protest somehow, someway when his hand darted to my pants, gripping my erection with enough force to make any words I had die before they had a chance to form. The suddenness of the attack wasn't unexpected, but unavoidable. I was ashamed of my excitement and undeniably eager for some sort of sexual resolution at the same time. It must have shown, but even if it didn't, there was no doubt that Izaya knew.

_Ding!_

"Whadaya know? Ninth floor!" Izaya said cheerfully, releasing me and turning to the opening elevator doors as if nothing had occurred. I stood there for a second, in shock. He turned and glanced over his shoulder. "Coming?"

I should have pressed the ground floor button and left right there. Just shut the doors in his face and walked away. I'm sure he would have been satisfied with that reaction too – the pervert gets off on any kind of response, and that would have been as good as any. But no, my teenage self was eager for new experiences, curious about this insane situation and fascinated by the boy magician, weaving his magics over me and snaring me in, hook, line and sinker.

I focused on my shoelaces as I quickly shuffled behind him as he lead the way to his apartment. Was this really about dying my hair? I wondered at the time. In hindsight? Definitely not. It had just been an excuse to lure me in. And oh, how Izaya had lured me in...

The place was spacious and well furnished. He had several computers set up in a corner and a nice view of Shinjuku. Open stairs led up to a series of bookshelves and the kitchen, bedroom and bathroom were sectioned off down a long hallway towards the back of the suite.

"Don't mind the dishes, the cleaning lady hasn't been by yet this week," Izaya was saying as he tossed the bag of random items aside and put his cell phone on a dock charger. I set my bag down and put my hands in my pockets to keep from fidgeting. "So, you know Shinra-chan?"

"Yeah," I said simply.

"Nosy little shit, isn't he?" Izaya laughed, juggling the box of dye.

"Don't dis my friends," I warned.

"Or what?"

My arm reached out on its own accord and picked him up by his shirt. I was more excited than angry, and tired of playing prey. "Or I'll kick your ass."

He never stopped smiling. Not once. I don't think he ever intended on letting me get the upper hand, though he might have played at it. "Oh my. Whatever shall I do?"

"Don't be facetious, ass."

"Are you gonna hit me?" he chided. He was actually provoking me. Something he grew to be very, very good at.

So I tried to hit him. I suppose as my strength can come as a shock to some people, Izaya's dexterity comes as a shock to me to this day. He wiggled out and tripped me so I toppled onto the couch. He was on top of me in an instant with that predator look again. I might have gotten angry, but his knee was squarely on my crotch. But despite the very vulnerable position I was in with his hands pinning my wrists, the heat rushed to my face again. His nose was a breath away from mine, his dark eyes gleaming with some plot to seduce me. Well fuck, I'd just let him, hadn't I? I might not have been able to lay a hit on him, but in a wrestling match it was no contest. I could have thrown him across the room easily.

But I didn't.

"I love it when you blush," he told me just over a whisper. It was the first time I'd ever kissed a guy. It was ridiculous, but I was the one that leaned forward and kissed him. I mean, it was obvious where this was going, and something told me to quit screwing around and try it already. Screw the hair dye. I wasn't going to just sit back and let him call all the shots in this seduction game any more.

Which of course, was exactly what he had expected. I hate to say it, but Orihara Izaya is very hard to surprise.

His hands slid from my wrists and into my hair as he deepened the contact, the knee to the groin becoming far less a threat and way more a tool for arousal. I didn't know what to do with my hands now that they were free – shit, my whole body was a bit at a loss for what to do with a guy in this situation. But I struggled to get his jacket and shirt off anyway. If this was going to happen, there was no way it was going to be half-assed. I don't do anything half-assed.

(Tom had once called me a man of extremes)

Apparently neither did Izaya. My shirt was undone and I hadn't even noticed him do it. There was a sense of urgency as his lips and tongue found my neck, my chest and my abdomen. Each fleeting kiss sent chills through my whole body, making everything stand on end. And I do mean everything.

"You know, Shizu-chan... you're awfully eager for not being into dudes..." Izaya teased.

"Less talk," I told him breathlessly, resting my hand firmly on the back of his head.

"But I want to do an experiment!" he chuckled, looking up from my bellybutton with that sly look.

"Does it involve a resolution to this hard on you've tortured me with for the past twenty minutes?"

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were nervous and are trying to rush," Izaya laughed. His face froze in that grin as I suddenly realized he had his flickblade resting against one of my nipples. "Relax."

Relaxation was far from my mind. He could really do some damage if he turned out to be some murdering psychopath (turns out he WAS psychopath... just not the murdering type). Most might have lost the will to fuck right there, but I was harder than ever. I couldn't explain it. The risk, the newness, the sensation... I couldn't believe how turned on I had become. There was a goddamn blade pressed against my chest, and all I could do was shiver in anticipation. I felt like I was going to burst without some kind of friction or contact.

Izaya ran the edge along my skin, never once cutting but tracing little designs over my chest in a manner that set me on fire. The cold metal point shot jolts up and down my body, making me arch and moan involuntarily. Fuck, fuck, _fuck! _Give it to me... anything will do! Something!

"What was that?" Izaya purred.

Hadn't realized I'd half moaned some of my thoughts. "If you're out to break my pride, I'll suffer before I beg," I said as firmly as a I could. I was no good at controlling my anger, but I hadn't had ample opportunity to test my control of my lust. Please don't torture me into begging...

"No doubt!" Izaya agreed, cupping his chin in his hands. "You poor thing. This is turning out wonderfully! I suppose that merits reward." He was too fast to follow. I didn't even see him fumble once for the button, my cock was just out and in his hands. I could have died right then – clearly, Izaya had experience in this matter. I could have come right that second had he asked. My head rolled back and hit the arm of the couch, the rush made me so dizzy.

Oh my god, his mouth. No woman could ever compare. The way his lips moved upon the shaft, the way his tongue explored and wound around, that dirty look on his face as he looked up at me … I grabbed his hair and pulled, I couldn't help it. Where a chick might have protested, I could feel him try to stop a wicked grin so he could continue his ministrations upon me.

"Oh … oh..._oh fuck!" _was all I could manage at first.

Izaya continued the filthy act with zeal.

"Izaya-kun..." I warned, shaking in a puddle of pleasure. "I'm... I'm gonna..."

He didn't stop.

**"IZAYA!" **I cried, unable to hold it back any longer. I must have doused his tonsils I was in so deep, and the bastard didn't care. Not a single gag, just lovingly lapping up every ounce of my orgasm. The room spun it was so good. I might have even passed out for a few seconds, because the next thing I knew he was pounding a pack of cigarettes against his palm and offering me one.

"Goddamn..." was all I could say at first as I accepted. He laughed. "You smoke?"

"Only before and after a good fuck," he replied.

Damn. Well I guess he expected me to return the favor somehow, which I guess was only fair, despite my slight apprehension in the matter. Well, I'd gone this far already...

He lit my cigarette with a silver zippo, then proceeded to pull on a pair of those vinyl gloves. I got nervous. "The hell kind of kinky shit are you into?" I demanded.

"Pervert," he accused playfully. He started shaking a bottle. Oh. He was mixing up the bleach. I'd completely forgotten about the hair dye. In fact, I'd thought it just a ruse to get me into his apartment.

I guess that made him the pervert.

****end chapter two****

****Preview Chapter Three: Bleach****

_"Is it done yet? This shit stinks," I complained. "My scalp burns."_

_"Not unless you want bright orange hair," Izaya told me. "Another twenty-five minutes." He jumped over the back of the couch and into my lap, reminding me of exactly what had occurred fifteen minutes ago. My pulse picked up again. "What to occupy our time for such an agonizing wait?"_

_"I have a feeling you have something in mind," I said gruffly._

_"Something dirty? Something... erotic?" Izaya laughed, then paused. "I'm going to fuck you, Shizu-chan. And you're going to like it."_


	3. Bleach

**He's Such a Coward He Can Laugh**

**Chapter Three**

**Bleach **

Recommended Listening: "Lucky" – Deftones, "Closer" – Nine Inch Nails, "Everything I Touch" – Stabbing Westward, "I Want You" – Third Eye Blind

(((Heiwajima Shizuo)))

The grainy white goop stank and stung my eyes. I'd never dyed my hair before, but Izaya told me he experimented with his sisters all the time, though they were quite young. I guess that made him seem less a flaming faggot, because the only thing that wasn't ousting him out the closet via human cannon was his utter masculinity and confidence. Using his sisters as an excuse made him seem less … girly.

"Is it done yet? This shit stinks," I complained. "My scalp burns."

"Not unless you want bright orange hair," Izaya told me. "Another twenty-five minutes." He jumped over the back of the couch and into my lap, reminding me of exactly what had occurred fifteen minutes ago. My pulse picked up again. "What to occupy our time for such an agonizing wait?"

"I have a feeling you have something in mind," I said gruffly.

"Something dirty? Something... erotic?" Izaya laughed, then paused. "I'm going to fuck you, Shizu-chan. And you're going to like it."

The statement was a fact, and the way he said it made my whole body ache in longing again. I could feel my limbs quiver in fearful anticipation as he started to nibble my neck and collarbone. I tried desperately not to let my slathered hair touch his couch, so I leaned forward and embraced him, digging my nails into his back viciously. They were kinda stubby from the occasional biting habit I had, but it was enough. Izaya arched backwards and grunted out a laugh through his clenched teeth.

"Fuck, that's hot!" he managed. I quickly realized as he contorted that he had his own erection that had been neglected, and he was almost as large as I was. I did this to him. I turned him on, he wanted me. It was a head rush, really. He wasn't just toying with me, his desire was real.

That fact made what happened later sting, and badly. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Despite my hatred for the man, the memory was too intensely sexual to discard. How could I not relish it?

I've never been one for subtlety. I pulled at his jeans so hard the button ripped off. Not sure why I was so surprised to see that he wore no underwear. Tight jeans should have been a giveaway. His member was rock hard and right in front of me, so I took a deep breath. He expected reciprocity, may as well –

"Don't even," Izaya ordered suddenly.

"Huh?" He didn't want me to...?

"You'll bleach my pubes, or at least my stomach, haha! _That_ stings!" he chuckled.

Fucking hair bleach. "So what, then?" I demanded.

"I'm gonna make you watch me, and I'm gonna watch you squirm," he informed me casually, taking himself in his hand and giving himself a few gentle strokes. "Maybe I'll even come in your face."

"You asshole," I accused, trying to get up. Izaya grinned and bounced on my lap, forcing me to sit from the pressure on my own raging cock. "Ow!"

"Sit back and enjoy the show, Shizu-chan!"

"I'm not the 'sitting back' type," I told him, making a grab for his hard on. He swatted my hand away coyly and 'tsked.'

"Patience! I never said I was gonna fuck you this second you know..."

"You're determined to drag this out!"

"I have every intention!"

My phone alarm startled us both, as not only did the song "Bodies" blare, but the vibration from my front pocket shot shameful sensations through us both. I laughed quietly. "That's too bad, because I have to rinse this shit outta my hair now."

Izaya at last stood and released me, trying to adjust himself. "Huh. You busted my button."

"Oops." No, not really.

"Shower's around the corner across from the bedroom."

I considered rinsing in cold water as I slid out of my clothes and stepped into the spacious shower stall, but decided against it for some reason. This erection was Izaya's, and the hope for another mind-blowing orgasm was racing through my mind as the water swept the now stiffened bleach out of my hair.

"I was so right."

Izaya's voice made me jump. I hadn't even heard him sneak into the shower. "Jesus..." I snorted.

"I prefer being called 'God.' Jesus was too nice." His caresses were agonizing at this point. "Blond is so you..."

His fingers were gently running along my ass and under, teasing my balls and massaging my entrance. It was instinct to tense up despite the arousing nature of his magic touch. He gently blew on my ear; he was telling me to relax. He really was going to...

I gasped when his finger entered inside of me. Both of my hands were against the tile wall, clenching and unclenching as another finger stretched me. I had a brief "What the fuck am I doing?" moment, but the third finger banished those thoughts – it was both an immense turn-on and getting quite uncomfortable. I couldn't imagine him fitting the entirety of his cock in there without an unacceptable amount of pain...

"Ah... Izaya-kun..." I tried to say shakily.

"Too late to back out now," he hissed, reaching around and giving my cock a few strokes. My whole body was shaking, but the contact served as an effective distraction. I didn't even realize what he was doing until the head of his cock was almost entirely inside of me. "Ooh, Shizu-chan, you're so tight..." Izaya huffed in delight as he continued to stroke me. "I told you I was going to fuck you... and now I'm done being nice."

The rest of the shaft was forced in without warning. It made me cry out and bash my head against the tile wall. Izaya wasn't kidding when he said he was done being nice – the pace turned frantic in an instant, and not just his savage thrusting either. At last the hand wrapped around my erect member manipulated fervently, granting the stimulation I had been mentally begging for since he had hopped into my lap.

"Ahhhgggghhhh!" was all I could manage as Izaya scoured me out from the inside. I punched the wall, hoping I wouldn't damage it in the process. Kudos to the architects of this building, the tiles took several pounds before one or two chipped off and my knuckle was bleeding. "Fuck, Izaya!"

"Say my name again!"

"Izaya!"

"Again! Again!"

"Izaya-Izaya-Iiiizaaayaaa!"

I was not quiet when I came in his hand. The only indication that Izaya had also climaxed was quiver inside of me and a half sharp exhale, half laugh while his fingers clenched on my hips. I felt light headed again, a mix from the hot steam, my hunched position and the most outrageous sex I'd ever had in my life. I really thought I was going to fall over for a second.

Izaya left as quietly as he had come, so it took me a moment to realize that I was alone. It gave me a moment to gather my wits and get the rest of the bleach out of my hair before stepping out and toweling off. I laughed at the message that Izaya had left on the fog in the mirror.

"**I OWE SHIZU-CHAN A NEW SHIRT 3**," it said. My button down school shirt was hanging on a hook, and upon closer examination, I noticed that he had cut off every single button. I hadn't even seen him pull out the flickblade until he started his edgeplay. I have to admit, whatever he did, be it psychotic or downright evil, he was good at it.

My eyebrows shot up at the sight of myself when I wiped the fog off of the mirror. Izaya had been right – I looked like a totally different person as a blond, and it looked good. Much later I had cursed him for talking me into it, because it looked ridiculous when I tried to grow it out, so I had to either keep dying the roots or shave my head. Back then though I liked the new look.

When I emerged, Izaya was in front of his computers, talking on the phone and typing away. "Oh, Dotachin, of course I took care of it! Those assholes never saw it coming." To which I heard an exasperated voice on the other end saying,_ "Please_ stop calling me that, Orihara-san..." Izaya only laughed. Then he noticed me. "I'll talk to you later, Dotachin. Business meeting." "Come on, Orihara –" _Beep._ The call was over.

"I can't wait to see it dry in the right light," he praised, minimizing the chat windows, rising and putting his hands around my face.

"Tch. Don't try and be romantic."

"Romantic isn't usually a word people use to describe me," Izaya chuckled.

I pulled away and started to dress, then remembered I was out a shirt. I turned to say something when Izaya threw one at me. It was dark gray, had graffiti-like designs on it and was tight across the chest and shoulders. Skinny bastard. I pulled my bag over my shoulder and threw my school jacket over my other shoulder, the one that was still sore from my popping it back into the socket a few hours before..

"Leaving so soon?"

"I'll call you."

"How cute. I want that shirt back."

"Don't chicks pull that trick to ensure they see their weekend fucks again?"

"Let's just say I know more tricks to this whole fucking thing than you think. Need bus fair?"

"No, I –"

Before I could protest he had that thug's wallet out and he handed me a wad of cash. Way more than what a bus would cost. Shit, I could have called a taxi to get all the way back to Ikebukuro with that kind of money and had left over for a nice meal.

I laughed. "What am I, your manwhore?"

Izaya laughed too. "Maybe I'm trying to degrade you!"

"Nice try," I told him. "But I'm gonna take this money with no apology. Call it … reimbursement."

"For?"

"A new shirt."

"Fair enough."

"Um... see you."

"Catch you later, Shizu-chan."


	4. Home Movies

**He's Such a Coward He Can Laugh**

**Chapter Four**

**Home Movies**

Reccommended Listening: "I Do Not Want This" and "Starfuckers Inc" – Nine Inch Nails, "Slutgarden" – Marylin Manson, and for fun... "Boys on Film" – Freezepop. Cookie if you can spot the music reference.

(((Heiwajima Shizuo)))

Shortly after that accursedly blissful encounter, Shinra introduced me to Celty, that biker in black he was always hanging around. I didn't believe she didn't have a head for the longest time. Over time, we actually became pretty good friends.

I got a lot of comments on my hair, mostly from girls who dug the whole American look. I only saw Izaya at school whenever there was a major exam, and he was always on his phone, making deals, arranging people to his liking, playing games. I subscribed to his Twitter and Facebook and we chatted online a bit, but I wasn't big on sitting around at my computer, so it was fleeting, though intense when it occurred.

_**Kanra has joined the chatroom 10:24:22pm**_

**Kanra:** Good evening! Anyone here tonight?

**Heiwaranbou: **Just me. I was gonna log off, you're lucky you caught me.

**Kanra: **Oh how fortunate, I can give you my full attention.

**Heiwaranbou: **The hell does that mean?

_**Kanra wants to private chat 10:25:31pm**_

**Kanra:** It's been a while since I had my way with you, Shizu-chan...

**Heiwaranbou:** Yeah.

**Kanra:** Don't tell me you haven't been thinking about it ^_^

**Heiwaranbou: **I didn't say that.

**Kanra: **Well either way, I'm not through with you.

**Heiwaranbou:** Is that so?

**Kanra:** Indeed! Aren't midterms coming up?

**Heiwaranbou:** What does that have to do with … you know,_ that?_

**Kanra:** Oh... you'll see. LOL.

**Heiwaranbou:** Douche.

**Kanra: **ROFL

**Kanra:** Don't be such a stick in the ass.

**Kanra: **I've got way better things to put there.

**Heiwaranbou: **Quit it

**Heiwaranbou:** What are you plotting?

**Kanra: **I'm not teeeeeeeelling X-D

**Heiwaranbou: **I'ma block you

**Kanra:** Oh, you wouldn't do that.

**Heiwaranbou:** Why not?

**Kanra:** Because you love hearing me talk about my hot dick up your tight little hole you pervert :)

**Kanra:** Oh? Gone quiet have you?

_**Heiwaranbou has logged off 10:29:02pm**_

**Kanra:** Goddamn, I love humans...

"Shizuo-kun, I can't believe you've gone three months without causing mass damage to either the school or yourself!" Shinra laughed as we headed down the hall to the vending machines for our lunch period. "I think that's a new record!"

"Count your blessings," I muttered, counting my change. Maybe enough for an energy drink to last me through the next round of testing.

"Has something been on your mind, lately?" Shinra inquired, walking backwards to face me.

Yeah. Lately I've been followed around by some tough looking dudes. The kind that Izaya got involved with, and it was unsettling. I've said it before and I'll stick to my statement: I hate violence. It just happens around me, no matter how I try to avoid it. I'd been fortunate to dodge that rage at the time and just kept my head down, but I wasn't sure how much longer I could avoid a fight. The last thing I needed was another injury.

"Shizuo-kun?"

"No, not really," I lied, then stopped. Someone was in the chemistry lab, though the lights were off and no professor was to be found. "Go on, Shinra-chan. I'll catch up."

"Uh... okay," he replied with a shrug, then he waved. "Kadota-kun! Hey, wait up!"

I kicked the door to the classroom open with a scowl. "Don't make me … ….!"

"Don't make you what?" the figure asked coyly, turning from what he was doing.

"Izaya-kun!"

"Yo."

"What the hell are you doing?"

"What's it look like I'm doing?" he replied smugly, tying a balloon off and releasing it to the ceiling. I looked up. He had been at this for a bit because there were at least twenty other balloons floating up there.

"Either planning a party or huffing helium," I guessed.

Izaya tied off another balloon. "Hmm. Close, but no cigar!" He pulled out his zippo from his pocket.

"Are you insane?" I demanded.

He laughed maniacally for a solid minute, then he stopped and just smirked. "Absolutely." As soon as he flicked the zippo, the balloon in his hand puffed out a cloud of flame that quickly traveled to the ceiling, igniting every other balloon that he had planted there. The ceiling burst into flame, followed immediately by the water spouts dousing everything in sight. Then the fire alarm blared.

"Wha... why?" I demanded.

"Come on!" he laughed, grabbing my hand and running out into the hall.

Everyone in Raira was in a panic. The floor was soaked, students were scrambling to get out of the building and teachers were desperately trying to control the chaos. Izaya dragged me through the hallways and around stairwells and finally into a random classroom towards the basement. He closed the door behind him and locked it, and for a moment, it was pitch black.

I fumbled for a light switch and found one not too far from the doorway. The light was dim, but the equipment was unmistakable. We were in the AV room.

"What the fuck, Izaya?" I demanded. "If you wanted to get out of a test, you could have just pulled the fire alarm instead of actually practicing arson!"

"Come on, that's no fun," he said as he rooted through a supply closet. "That would have bought me a half-hour tops. No, a real fire means that the fire department and the cops have to show up, so no one will be allowed back in the school for hours, if at all today." He poked his head back out of the closet wielding a small hand-held digital video camera. "Smile, Shizu-chan!"

I held my hand up, trying to block his shot to my face. "No way. You're making evidence and I am NOT going to be pinned as your accomplice!'

"Oh relax, I'll delete it when we're done."

"Done? Done with _what?_ What exactly are _we _doing?"

His other hand whipped out from the closet. I didn't even realize he had a fistful of long cords in his hand until he shot them around to sweep my legs out from underneath me. He had my ankles thoroughly tangled. He sat down right on my chest, camera in one hand, flickblade in the other, wearing that evil grin. My face? Probably shock.

"_We_ are making a few home movies."

"You're kidding."

Grin to smirk in a millisecond. "Does it look like I'm kidding?" I only saw his arm jerk. My shirt ruffled slightly from the air disturbance and once again, I was out a shirt with buttons. "Oh dear, it seems I owe you two shirts now..."

"Same trick twice, that's not like you..." I muttered, then I shook my head. "What am I saying? If you were so hell bent on making porn, couldn't you have just invited me over to your apartment or something? Get off!"

"Oh, I will!" he assured jovially.

"That's not what I meant! Get off my chest before I chuck you through that door!"

"You like it and you know it, or you would have done it already!" Izaya laughed. "And what's the fun in making porn at home? You can't get caught there..." He played with the settings on the camera. "Oooh, nightvision, like on that ghost hunting show..."

"I'm not doing this, Izaya-kun. Forget it." I moved to shove him off.

He shoved the camera square in my face. "Oh come on, don't make me blackmail you."

I froze. "Don't even..."

"You know there's a timestamp in the corner here? I'll bet they'll wonder what you were doing in the AV room while the building is being evacuated..."

I laid back and just stared at him in even more shock. Then I just laughed. I couldn't stop laughing all of the sudden. The hilarity was just too much.

Izaya's face went from evil schemer to intense curiosity. "What an unexpected reaction! Penny for your thoughts!"

"You set the fucking building on fire just to blackmail me into more sex?" I demanded, still laughing. "You're a goddamn psycho!"

"Hmmmm that DOES sound a little stalkerish, doesn't it?"

"Just a little!"

Izaya rose to his knees and went back to evil genius mode. "Well I guess I do a lot of strange things, particularly to interesting people like you! Not like you're in a position to complain." The only way I could describe his expression would again, simply be evil. Pure, undiluted evil with a splash of utter delight in _being_ so goddamn evil. "Go on, Shizu-chan, suck my dick. We're wasting battery life here."

I stared at him, jaw slack for a second. He really wasn't kidding, he'd set this whole thing up so he could make a dirty movie with me at school. I should have been really pissed or freaked out, but once again it just turned me on like all hell.

"We don't have all day, you know..."

I sat up and undid his jeans in a stupor, in utter disbelief that this was happening. "I'm going to kick your ass, someday, Izaya."

"I like it when you talk dirty," he replied, keeping the camera focused on me. He was already rock hard, I barely had the zipper undone before I was greeted by the erection. Man, he got off on weird shit. "Say, how many YouTube hits do you think we'll get?"

"You must have a humiliation fetish," I sighed, swallowing the lump in my throat. _You better NOT put this on YouTube, you cheeky freak..._I hesitated for a moment, then took his member in my mouth slowly, trying not to gag. I very quickly felt bad for any girl that had ever given me head – Izaya was of pretty decent size, and I had him beat by an inch. I had a hard time getting it down without choking, but I guess it was fortunate that Izaya was patient with my inexperience.

"Ah, oh yes Shizu-chan, just like that..." he hummed in delight. The camera shook in his hand. Fingers from his other hand were running through my hair rhythmically, the flickblade pressed against my ear. And then he went off on a rant as I pleasured him the best I could, so I suppose I'd done a good job. While I explored the skin of his cock with my tongue, he just spouted off on that human-love crap.

"Mmmm, you've got it all wrong, Shizuo. It's not humiliation I get off on, it's the whole human race that makes me wanna come! They laugh, they cry! They lie! They die! Then they crawl back into this... _fiction_ of existence! I wanna know everything! I wanna be everywhere! I wanna fuck everyone in the world! I wanna do something that MATTERS! OH GOD, Shizu-chan! Sh... Shizuo! OH!"

I had picked up speed even though my jaw was aching. His frantic words didn't make much sense, but the emotion behind them was compelling. I wanted him to get off, and I didn't care if it was via humiliation or gauging the human reaction – I was going to be the one to send him over the edge. Me. That'll teach him to blackmail me...

As he stammered my name in the last moments of his tangent, the hand running circles on my scalp promptly clenched a fistful of hair. I knew what was coming, so I spit it all out at the last second and took the money shot to the face instead. I completely chickened out – I couldn't bring myself to swallow it.

Izaya didn't seem to mind at all, in fact he half moaned, half laughed and made sure he got a good shot of his come all over my face as he caught his breath, almost red in the face with his excitement. "HAH! Who would have thought you were so good at giving head, Shizu-chan!"

"You did, apparently."

He leaned down and actually licked some of his own come off of my face, then kissed me deeply. His lips were warm and soft, though the contact was forceful and a bit frantic as he pushed his tongue against mine, forcing me to taste what I hadn't swallowed.. I could feel him shaking – the thrill had really done him over one. My own skin buzzed with similar excitement. We could still get caught...

His phone went off, this time the voice of some internet meme character chiding _"Woo-hoo! Alright! Somebody sent me a text message!"_ So he paused and checked the text. Then he rose and made sure he looked acceptable. "Welp! That's all for now, Shizu-chan! See you later!"

Izaya threw the camera at me and darted out the door. I checked the footage and shook my head.

He hadn't even been recording.


	5. Chaos Theory

**He's Such a Coward He Can Laugh**

**Chapter Five**

**Chaos Theory**

_A/N: drug references_

Recommended Listening: "So Wrong" – Stabbing Westward, "Love Dump" – Static X, "Feelings" – The Offspring, "Only One" – Slipknot

(((Heiwajima Shizuo)))

His betrayal was earth-shattering to me. As I said earlier, it had broken the spell my rage had upon my body (though I wasn't really sure how...), but that's the only thing I'll ever say that Izaya had ever really done for me. Spring semester was halfway through, and the sakura hadn't quite bloomed yet, giving the trees a depressing, bare look. Especially while looking over the city from the roof of Raira High.

"Smoking on the roof, Shizu-chan? How cliché..."

I didn't even turn around, I just smiled a little. "What are you doing here, Izaya-kun? I don't recall any exams today..."

"Oh, a little of this, a little of that..." he replied casually. "Dotachin had some business with me, him and his buddy … oh, what's his name, he's a year or two behind you guys... ahh... oh yes! Togusa-chan! Togusa Sabura!"

"Don't know him."

"Didn't think you did. But I digress. I may be here at Raira for some business, but I'm on the roof to see you."

I glanced uneasily around. We weren't alone, and it would be just like him to do something outrageously and humiliatingly sexual. "What do you want?"

"Simple. You're coming out to Shinjuku with me tonight."

I took a long drag and blew the smoke in his face. He was unphased. "Why?"

"I need a reason?" he demanded, hopping up on a ledge and balancing. "Okay, how's this excuse? I have an ounce of pot and need to bust a new bong in. Who does that alone, really?"

"You're seriously inviting me over to do drugs?"

"Isn't that what normal teenagers do on the weekends these days?" Izaya snickered.

"You talk like you're not one yourself."

"I'd hardly call myself normal, would you?"

I had no reply to that. I flicked my cigarette over the chain link fence and snorted. "That's not why you want me over."

"That may or may not be true, Shizu-chan, but I'll leave that one to you." Izaya nimbly hopped down and waved as he walked to the door. "You know the way, I'll be back at my place by five. Hope to see you there!"

I shoved my hands in my pockets and glanced over to the other side of the roof. Kasuka was just watching me in silence. He'd never been one for words, even less so than me. How he became an actor with the screenname of Yuhei I'll never know. I think he knew about what I was doing with Izaya every few weeks. He said nothing. Some of his friends approached him and he turned to socialize with them.

A quick text to Shinra to tell him I was taking a different route home, and another to Kasuka to tell him I would be late that night. Shinra was all inquisitive, to which I declined replies. Kasuka of course, simply replied "K." An odd Twitter notification from Izaya was in my inbox that said, "Fireworks tonight! Stay tuned! People love! People love! #chaostheory" He always had strange status updates and tweets, so it only raised marginal suspicion. Just what was he up to...?

My heart began to pound as I sat on the bench at the bus stop to Shinjuku. This was stupid. I knew Izaya had a hand in drugs, but I was pretty sure it was little more than a dabble, and he usually followed the strict rule "never get high on your own supply." He was far more interested in "information," whatever _that_ meant. There was no way this was about getting stoned. This was going to be something erotic, and to be so blatant about his invitation meant he had something elaborate planned. Somehow, I got the feeling that he was going to try and humiliate me again.

I hesitated as the bus pulled up. I had a bad feeling, and I should have followed it. But no, I was determined at this point. As I took my seat I set my mind. I was going to be in control tonight, not him. I was going to show him that I was not his submissive bitch. I was going to be in charge and call the shots. And I was going to make him like it, the same way he made me like it.

I dialed up to Izaya's apartment at 5:34, at least that's what the digital clock on the call box displayed. "City morgue, you kill 'em, we chill 'em!" came his cheerful voice.

"Funny. Let me in."

"But of course, Heiwajima-sama*!"

"Ptf. Dick."

The doors slid open. My palms got sweaty again as the elevator took me up those nine floors. _No, I'm not going to back down on this one,_ I was thinking. _I'll beat him into submission if I have to..._

Izaya called for me to just come in when I knocked, so I clenched my fists and went in the the lion's den, ready for a power struggle. He was at his laptop on the couch, and he looked up with a smile and a witty greeting on his lips.

Which was quickly knocked right off his face by my school bag, heavy with several textbooks. He tumbled to the floor, and stayed there on his hands and knees for a moment, holding his bloody nose in surprise. "Whoa... ow! This is unexpected..."

"Stay right there, Izaya-kun," I told him, shrugging off my jacket. "I'm gonna fuck you. And you're going to like it."

He rolled on his back and wiped his lip with an amused expression on his face. "Oh are you? You're in quite the mood, Shizu-chan!"

"Shut up," I ordered, crouching over him and wrapping my hand around his throat, pressing him into the floor. "You think I'll just sit back and keep letting you dominate me? Not tonight. Forget what you had planned. It's my way now."

"Oh, Shizuo, I'm so proud of you..." he sighed, throwing his arms around my shoulders. "I'm _so_ hard right now."

"Didn't I tell you to shut up?" I pressed my mouth against his roughly, seeking to quiet him. Our tongues intermingled; he tasted of blood and salt and … well mostly blood, but I didn't care. When we at last gasped for air, I ripped his pants off and played no niceties. I had two fingers up his ass before he could say something snide.

Izaya gasped and threw his head back. The bastard was smiling away despite the pain I was causing in my haste. "Easy! I'm delicate, you know!"

"Bullshit." I'd never had the opportunity to fuck him before, but from the irritation of constantly being on the receiving end, I understood the mechanics intimately. I bit his shoulder hard and he shuddered.

"Can you at least use some lubrication? I've always been generous enough to do you that favor..." He pointed to the side table drawer as he caught his breath. It made me wonder if he had expected this after all.

"Tch. I don't owe you shit," I sneered with a smile, wiping his blood off of my face. I reached over and retrieved it anyway. Then he received three fingers quite forcefully, making him clench his teeth through that grin.

"Oh, ow! You're _mean!_ I love it!"

Why bother explaining? Izaya was well aware that I was a little bigger than he was, thus I fully intended to stretch him to four fingers before attempting to pound him one. Which I did within minutes, all the while he laughed, squirmed and quipped through moans of elation.

Good, God, I couldn't take it anymore. I'd been suffering this hard on since I allowed it to life in the elevator. I'd been fighting the damn thing since the bus stop. The heat building up inside of me was boiling to be released, so I pulled my cock out and pinned Izaya beneath me.

"Do me good, Shizu-chan," he whispered hotly.

"Goddamn, shut _up,"_ I told him again, then shoved my cock inside of him.

Wow. Way tighter than a chick. The sensation was ecstasy. He arched and squirmed a bit as I secured myself deep, then wailed like a porn star when I started to ram into him with no mercy. Izaya didn't just take it either, he kicked and flailed, hitting the table and causing his laptop to go crashing to the floor. Somehow the couch was shoved several inches back and the lamp on the side table tipped over when a stray limb struck the table leg.

I couldn't tell up from down or left from right. My limbs were simply tingling appendages – the only thing that mattered was my hips driving my cock into him repeatedly and the ripples of pleasure it caused all the way into my chest and head; what a rush! Each thrust sent me deeper into euphoria until I just wasn't aware of anything but the act we were committing and the resulting orgasmic feelings. Izaya's cries and near screams of praise were driving me to pound him harder, push it deeper and fuck the boy senseless. I was senseless myself, drowning in our sin. Drowning in Izaya.

It was as if the world had ended in the most wonderful catastrophe imaginable when I came. I swear everything stood still when I finally released the bubble of tension in an explosion within me. _**"FffffffffUCK!"**_ I cursed, gripping Izaya's wrists above his head. At the time, I was glad I hadn't broken any bones of his – only bruises had been left. Now? Oh yeah, I wish I had snapped him in two.

I caught my heavy breath with my head against his neck, feeling my heart racing in an almost synchronistic manner with his. Izaya gave me a minute or two to gather myself, then put his hands behind his head when my grip had gone slack and stretched beneath me. "I don't suppose you would relieve me, would you?"

"Huh?"

Izaya laughed and ground his unrelieved erection against my bellybutton.

I rose and buttoned my pants. "Go do it yourself. You've left me hanging more than enough times to warrant your suffering."

"You bastard," he said slyly, then made his way to his feet, pulling off the rest of his clothing. "Well then, I'll be in the shower. Sit tight!"

I started to clean up the mess we had made as he sauntered off. The lamp made its way back onto the side table, the couch was pushed back to its proper place and the laptop was gingerly placed back onto the coffee table, fortunately in once piece and surprisingly still on.

I'm not a snoop. I had no intention of getting into Izaya's business or going through his electronic sludge of underworld blasphemy. But I saw the word "Shizu-chan" in an open chat window, and my curiosity was piqued. If he was talking about me, I wanted to know why, and to whom. I scrolled up to the beginning.

_**Shinigami has joined the chat room 05:03:36pm**_

**Shingami:** You better be on, Nakura.

**Nakura:** I told you I would be.

**Nakura:** What was so interesting that you had to corner me while I was at school?

**Shinigami:** You know that guy you've been having us follow around?

**Shinigami:** You realize he's the one that threw a dumpster at my bros, right?

**Nakura:** Yeah

**Shinigami:** A DUMPSTER, dude.

**Nakura:** Why? Chickening out?

**Shinigami:** I don't want any more of my guys getting hurt because of him.

**Nakura:** The hell am I paying you for? I told you it would be risky.

**Shinigami:** The deals off if there's any permanent damage or death.

**Nakura:** LOL. Relax, Shini-chan! He might dole out some hurt, but he has yet to kill anyone. At least, that's what his friends say...

**Shinigami: **Don't play games.

**Nakura:** I'll spare you the philosophical answer to that.

**Shinigami: **Where will he be Monday?

**Nakura: **Raira, duh

**Shinigami:** Details you idiot

**Nakura:** Soccer field. 12:30pm. Rough him up good, don't hold back.

**Shinigami:** I never asked, why are we jumping this dude?

**Nakura:** Call it a mix of an experiment and a commission...

**Shinigami:** Shouldn't have asked.

**Shinigami:** You sure this guy can take the twelve of us? Isn't that a little overkill?

**Nakura:** LOL. Don't you worry about Shizu-chan. Just be there.

**Shinigami:** Gotcha.

**Nakura:** Ooh, speak of the devil. Catch ya later!

_**Shinigami has logged off 05:36:12pm**_

_**Nakura is idle 05:46:23pm**_

_**Nakura is no longer idle 05:54:44pm**_

_**Nakura is idle 06:04:44pm**_

_**Nakura is no longer idle 06:38:53pm**_

I didn't want to believe it. I wanted to believe that someone else had been able to lift and throw a dumpster … that went to Raira High … with PE right after lunch period … and who was addressed as "Shizu-chan" by Izaya.

My chest felt tight.

"Well! That was refreshing!" Izaya stepped out into his living room wearing jeans and my old buttonless shirt as he toweled his hair, to be cheeky is my guess. "There's something dirty about masturbation when the object of your fantasy is sitting out in your living room, wouldn't you –"

"**AAAAAAAAHHHHGGGGGGHHHH!"** was all I could manage as I picked up the lamp and hurled it at him. He just tilted his head to one side and it smashed harmlessly on the wall behind him.

"Something wrong, Shizu-chan?"

"IT WAS **YOU!** YOU'VE GOT THOSE ASSHOLES FOLLOWING ME!" I screamed, picking up the table this time and chucking it. Izaya ducked calmly. "WHAT THE FUCK? THEY'RE GONNA JUMP ME?"

"Oh, come now. There's no need to destroy my furniture. The invoice for this is going to get quite expensive if you keep this up..."

"You lied to me!"

"I did no such thing!"

"You pretended... all this time...!"

"Pretended what, Shizuo? I never gave any inclination that this was anything more than what it was. Or even that you were my friend!"

Ow. _Ow. _That hurt. That tore at my chest. That agony gave way to that rage. My censoring mechanism was totally shot – I gave in without a second thought. The couch was over my head in an instant.

"Put it down, Shizu-chan. You don't want to get injured, do you?"

"SHUT UP! DON'T CALL ME THAT!** I'll KILL YOU!"**

The couch dented the stairs. Of course it didn't hit him, he was out the door, laughing. Laughing! I gave chase, reeling with the urge to snap his skinny little neck. I've only had the desire to kill someone once before … the feeling was so much more intense than that day at the bakery. I wanted Izaya dead. DEAD!

The elevator was already two floors down. I raced down the stairs to try and intercept. I saw him run out the front doors and I ran after him, barely knowing what I was doing. I ripped a metal bench right out from its place in the concrete and threw it at him with all of my might. He jumped over the side of a bridge, narrowly dodging. I ran to the edge, only to see him sitting on top of a delivery truck that had been passing below, moving away at about twenty miles an hour.

"See you later, Shizu-chan!" Izaya called happily with a wave.

"I SEE YOU AT RAIRA, I'LL TEAR YOU APART!" I screamed. "YOU HEAR ME! **I'LL KILL YOU!"**

I'll never forget it. Not my rage, not my hatred for him and not the knife he twisted in my back.

Not ever.

*this honorific suffix is a step above _"-san." -sama_ would be the equivalent of saying "milord/lady." Izaya is essentially poking fun at Shizuo's importance and/or age.


	6. Damage Control

**He's Such a Coward He Can Laugh**

**Chapter Six**

**Damage Control **

Recommended Listening: "Chasing Sirens" – Orgy, "More Human Than Human" – White Zombie, "Philharmonic" – Zeromancer "Butterfly Wings" – Machines of Loving Grace. Another music reference, far more obscure if you can find it... ;)

(((Orihara Izaya)))

If I had to evaluate that evening in regards to Shizuo's reaction... it was quite mixed! I knew he'd be mad about hit out on him – as if I'd just leave my chat windows up carelessly! But that night started out with a bang – he had exceeded my expectations. I'd wondered how long it would take him to get in touch with his dominant side. I never would have guessed a guy like him could have been so submissive, even if he did go about things in a sort of forceful and awkward manner.

I laid back on the truck's roof and dialed Shinra.

"Hey, Izaya-kun!" he greeted. "What's up?"

"It's set up for Monday," I told him. "Your buddy will be thoroughly thrashed."

He laughed. "Somehow I doubt that!" He got serious. "Thank you, Izaya-kun. Really. He won't let me touch him, it's important I get this data on him... I don't mean to betray him or anything..."

I chuckled. "Don't apologize to _me_, Shinra-chan. I'll just help and make sure he never finds out that this time, it was you and not me."

"What do you mean 'this time'?"

"I'm gonna make him stronger. Just you watch."

"Your going to keep making him fight?"

"Depending on how Monday goes. We'll see."

"I can barely hear you over that wind, Izaya-kun, where are you?"

"Hm. Good question." I stood just as the truck was slowing down at a stop light. I jumped off and looked around. "I'm still in Shinjuku, no worries. Hey, you should formally introduce me to this super strong friend of yours you're having me provoke. I think he'll be useful."

"Don't mess with him, Izaya-kun..." Shinra warned. "I know you're good at dodging bullets, but Heiwajima-san is really strong – I mean REALLY strong..."

"Haha! No doubt!" As if I hadn't noticed... "Gotta jet! Catchya later!"

I grinned as I checked my inbox. All of Shizuo's status updates just said "FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!" I skipped I was so giddy. I love it when people fly off the handle! I love it, I love it, I _love_ it! Especially in a society where social niceties discourage such reactions. Shizuo was so intense! The guy could go from glacier to fireball in two seconds! How complex, how interesting, how... delightful!

I sighed when I got back into my apartment and made another phone call. "Yes, maintenance? I'm going to need an estimate..."

The sakura had finally bloomed by Monday. I could hardly contain myself as I met up with Shinra for lunch at Raira. The plan went off without a hitch. Even though Shizuo was well aware of the situation, he showed up and preformed admirably. Shinra was in awe of the guy's strength as all twelve of my accomplices dropped. The whole school was watching, crammed against the windows of almost every floor. I clapped in praise, and he finally noticed me.

"This is a good friend of mine from middle-school, Orihara Izaya," Shinra told Shizuo as he looked over with a glowering scowl. "Well … he's not that good of a person. Maybe I should say he's a horrible person!"

"You're so mean, Shinra-chan..." I sighed with a smile. Shinra may not know all the details about my twisted little self, but I guess he knew enough.

"Oh, no, I didn't mean it in a bad way!" Shinra laughed.

"I don't like him," Shizuo interrupted. How interesting! He was leaving Shinra in the dark about us!

"Huh?" Shinra inquired, confused.

"Oh yeah?" I asked, feeling a smirk worm its way across my face. I couldn't help it! "That's too bad. I think I could have some fun with you..."

"Shut up." He turned away. Ooh, he resented me so badly!

"Don't say that, Shizu-chan," I scolded. He snapped. So predictable – I knew calling him that would press a button. The _chan_ honorific always pissed him off a bit, but now it was just insulting to him I suppose. The fist was aimed for my face, but I was already moving out of the way. That poor bench, all smashed to pieces. Shizuo should have known I was too fast for him. By the time he'd spotted me I was already behind him. He turned and I slashed him right across the chest with my blade. The shock on his face was almost as priceless as the AV room incident. Perhaps he was surprised that I had actually drawn blood on him.

"See? This is fun, isn't it?"

Shizuo struggled for words – I watched carefully. What was running rampant in his mind? What would his next move be as a result? Possibilities swirled about; just which one would manifest?

Shizuo screamed something unintelligible and charged at me. Oh how typical. I bolted. He followed, like a dog chasing an animal far too fast for it. He looked just as dumb too, all worked up and ready to kill. It was the only thing I hated about him – how stupid he could be sometimes, even though he was relatively smart.

He chased me right off of school grounds, abandoning his classes for the day it seemed. He kept it up half way to West Gate Park, right where the highway exit came off. The truck was just dumb luck. He went flying across the street and landed hard on the pavement. Perfect...

The driver jumped out, all concerned. "Hey, are you alright?"

"He's fine! He's built strong," I assured.

"Are... are you sure he's okay?"

I pulled out my wallet and took out a few big bills, hopefully enough to discourage him from calling an ambulance or the authorities. "He's fine, he's fine!" I repeated. "Nice work." I glanced over at Shizuo. _Come on... get up... get up you oaf! I didn't orchestrate this so you could roll over and take it from a goddamn truck!_

As soon as it was apparent that he could make it to the sidewalk, I decided it was time to take off. Couldn't have him pushing himself too hard now – if I was right, he'd chase me until his body was mush if he could. And I needed him in one piece.

"_Woo-hoo! Alright! Somebody sent me a text message!" _Foamy's voice cheered sarcastically from my phone.

_**From: Dotachin 2:17pm**_

_**Get the fuck outta dodge. **_

_**house on fire**_

_**To: Dotachin 2:17pm**_

_**Why? **_

_**I 3 HUMANS!**_

**-SEND-**

_**From: Dotachin 2:18pm**_

_**Someone in the Blue Squares is really mad at you. They know where you are.**_

_**house on fire**_

_**To: Dotachin 2:18pm**_

_**Thx**_

_**I 3 HUMANS!**_

**-SEND-**

I glanced over my shoulder. I'd been so focused on Shizuo, that I hadn't noticed that I had been followed. I smiled. No one could ever say that I'm not prepared for just about anything. I made a show of relaxing my gate and strolled around aimlessly for a bit, seeing if they would just lose interest if I hung around populated areas. No go. They kept at it for two freaking hours. I made sure that they were clueless as to the fact that I was aware of their presence.

I swung by that Russian sushi place for some take-out and decided to stop screwing around. I could take just about anybody in the Blue Squares. So I wandered into an alleyway and paused, waiting for them to come out of the woodwork.

"Are you guys gonna cut the crap and mug me or not?" I called out.

They hesitated, then six of them surrounded me. "Don't take us for fools, Orihara-jukeisha*."

"Oh? Then what synonym should I use? Idiots? Dolts? Drones, pawns, lackies?"

One of them got angry. "You little high school snot!" He took a swing with a baseball bat at my head. So much for explanations.

"Woops!" I laughed as I twisted out of the way. He tripped before the swing was complete, as his pants were suddenly around his ankles. "Uncle! I call uncle! Please don't hurt me, oh pretty please!"

"He's fucking with us!"

"Mess him up!"

I suppose it was one of the few times I'd been caught off guard in my life. Ah well, we all make mistakes once in a while.

The remaining five were easy to run circles around. I'd gotten too close to the road though, and should have noticed the guy I pantsed was on his cell. Never saw the black car until it had knocked me clear across the street. I skidded in the gravel and landed upsidown against a guardrail.

"Don't fuck with us, Orihara*!" I heard as they squealed off.

"Ow..." I muttered, sitting up and taking stock of the damage. My left hand and arm was all scraped up with dirt and rocks decorating the abrasions painfully. I felt blood on my face and spit some dirt and more blood out of my mouth, the wound on my lip from Shizuo the other day now reopened and bleeding freely. Still had all my teeth, good good. I'd never forgive them if they had marred my pretty face irreversibly. I stood and found my ankle was a little weak. Eh. No big deal I guess.

Until I took off my jacket. It was shredded.

"Aw, MAN!"

String pulling time. But first... a trip to see Shinra. He'd learned all sorts of doctory tricks from his dad, and was already taking online college courses towards his medical degree. And it wouldn't have been the first time he'd patched me up in a fix.

He was surprised to see me, and though it was impossible to read any expression underneath the motorcycle helmet, the black biker he was living with seemed a little taken aback as well.

"Izaya-kun! What happened?" Shinra demanded, trying to help me to the couch. "Did Shizuo-kun catch you?"

I waved him off and limped there myself. "He wishes! Let's just say... I fell down some stairs."

The biker's smartphone was in my face. **That's the stupidest excuse ever**_,_ it read from a wordpad app.

"Isn't it, though?" I laughed. I threw my take-out on the table. "Do you like fatty tuna, Shinra-chan?"

"How can you think of food now?" he chuckled, spreading his first aid tools out and pulling on some rubber gloves. "Somehow I think it's safer for me not to know about these terribly dangerous 'stairs.'"

"Well put," I told him. "Ow. Ow. _Ow,_that smarts."

Shinra tweezed out a large piece of gravel imbedded below my elbow. "Hold still."

I looked over to the biker, plans forming in my head. "Is it true you're headless?"

Tap-tap-type. **What's it to you?**

"Oh, just rumors. Here in Ikebukuro, people talk is all."

**Shinra's told me all about you. What do you want?**

I laughed. "Oh has he? Ow. Say, do you do deliveries?"

**What kind of deliveries?**

"The kind that pay well." If the biker had visible eyes, he would have been glaring, I could feel it, but also considering. "Think on it, eh? We'll stay in touch, I'm sure. So Shinra-chan, did you get the data you needed today?"

"Did I?" he gushed happily. "Wow! I knew Shizuo-kun was strong, but not THAT strong! And you want to make him stronger? Oh wow, I can't even imagine... but aren't you afraid he's just going to mess his body up even more?"

"I don't think that's going to be an issue anymore."

"Huh?"

"He didn't get hurt today in the soccer field, did he?"

Shinra paused in his tweezing and thought. "Huh. You're right. Why is that? What did you do?"

"Here's a crackpot theory for you and your medicinal mind. You say his rage is out of control, and whenever he's provoked to the point of physical action, he injures himself, yes?"

"That's been the pattern."

"His rage has had nowhere to go but inward. He just lashes out with that power whenever it damn well feels like it. There was no direction to it, no will, no driving factor. Set a fire in the woods and watch it consume everything in its path."

"Are you saying he's found something to channel his anger into?"

"Focus a fire and have control over it," I said evilly. Oh I love it when a plan comes together this nicely...

There was a crash and a terrible sound – like steel being bent and torn. **"IIIIIZAAAAAAYAAAAAA!"**

"Oh, speak of the devil!" I said with a grin. More fireworks! How wonderful!

The biker went to placate him, but to no avail. Shinra poked his head out. "Oh! Hey, what a coincidence! Izaya-kun is here too!" Shizuo ignored him and stormed in, steel door over his head, ready to throw at my face. The biker seemed concerned for our safety at this point, and I wasn't surprised. With the look in Shizuo's eyes, I would have been concerned too if I didn't know exactly how this situation was going to end up. Shinra was also unconcerned – his confidence in his friend not hurting him in one of his fits of rage was strong, if only mildly naïve. He went back to pulling out dirt and tiny rocks out of my fingers, wiping down each bloody crater they left with an stinging alcohol pad. It didn't bother me – I was only too pleased that Shizuo was here.

"Say, why aren't you injured?" I asked him casually.

His face went slack for a second – it hadn't even occurred to him that he was perfectly fine, even after being hit by a truck going forty! But no, no thanks for me. He was just too angry.

"I'LL KILL YOU!" He raged, trying to get around the biker. **"I'LL KILL YOU! I'LL KILL YOU!"**

"Are you hurt, Shizuo-kun?" Shinra asked him.

"**NO!** GET OUT OF MY WAY, I'M GOING TO **TEAR HIM TO PIECES!"**

The biker thrust the smartphone in his face. I'm not sure what text was presented to him, but Shizuo scrunched his face and just thew the door aside, turned around the stormed right back out. The biker followed.

"How convenient," I noted.

"She's good like that," Shinra said with a shrug.

"That's a chick?"

"And I'm so gonna marry her someday!"

"But... the head thing...?"

"It's true!"

I laughed. "Wow, I thought you were weird, Shinra-chan, but that's just out in left field right there. Yep. I've got you figured out now."

"You and your obsession with the human reaction..."

"I like to call it a 'hobby' …_OW!_ Okay, that more than smarts..."

Shinra frowned as he bent my pinky again. I laughed and cringed at the same time – pain was almost like getting tickled. "Oh, oh, oooh! It's broken, isn't it?"

"My guess, hairline fracture, though there's no way to be sure without an X-ray..."

"You don't have one of those lying around here, do you?"

"This isn't a hospital, Izaya-kun, this is my living room!"

I sighed. "Do you have to set it?"

"Not for something this minor." He taped my two fingers together and put my wrist in a brace. "No typing or strenuous use of it for six weeks. Keep your cuts clean – only a few really needed steristrips. As for your foot, stay off of it for a few days, alternate cold and hot compress then take it easy." He handed me a bottle of pills. "Please don't sell them."

"No typing? Six weeks? Shinra-chan, you're kidding! How will I work?"

"Take a vacation and do what normal teenagers do."

"What's that?"

"Oh you know... _schoolwork."_

"Why when the teachers are in my pocket?" I laughed. "I already know everything they could teach me! Why do you think I'm home-schooled?"

Shinra shook his head. "You've been this way for as long as I can remember..." he sighed. "Well, I'm glad you've cured Shizuo-kun, even though you've made a mortal enemy out of him in the process. I can't guarantee your safety here all the time, though."

"That's okay!" I said, standing up and testing my bandaged ankle.

"Izaya."

"Hm?"

Shinra looked really serious all the sudden. "What did you do to make Shizuo so angry?"

Out of the blue, I decided I wanted to test Shinra's reactions. I'd already given him a thorough manipulative work out in middle-school, to which he was able to see the genius of and appreciate later, but I had yet to test his adult psychological reflexes. I grabbed his cuff with my good hand and lifted him. I wasn't that physically strong, but Shinra was a small dude, and it was easy enough to get him a few inches off of the floor.

As expected, his expression reflected confusion and surprise. "Wh...Izaya-kun?"

I brought him close to my face. "What if I did the same to you, Shinra?" I asked huskily. "Would it surprise you to think that something like that could be so intense?" I threw him on the couch and jumped on him, grinning in delight. "What are you thinking? Hm? HM?"

The only thing I didn't expect in his mix of emotion was the tinge of fear. He really thought I was going to rape him! I guess it was a valid fear – Shinra was one of the few folks I could legitimately win an arm wrestling contest against without cheating, so the fear of being overpowered was justified. He just stared at me, dumbfounded.

I giggled. "Oh Shinra-chan, you're such a nerd! Why would I be so rude as to force myself on you after you've done me a favor? You're too valuable to violate! That is, unless you can't rape the willing..."

"N-no, I … I'm good..." he stammered.

"You're so predictable," I said as I jumped off the back of the couch and headed towards the door. "See you later!"

As for Shizuo...

Let the games begin...

*The assaulters using _-jukeisha/no suffix_ are implying that Izaya is guilty of a crime.

_A/N:I always wondered what Izaya had done to get roughed up enough to be at Shinra's place when Shizuo tracks him down to throttle... ..._


	7. The Biggest Douchebag

**He's Such a Coward He Can Laugh**

**Chapter Seven**

**The Biggest Douchebag in the History of Mankind**

_A/N: Minor2 no longer applies. More drug references. Debatably N/C, though I'm not sure you could call it that..._

Recommended Listening: "Megalomaniac" – Incubus, "Russia on Ice" – Porcupine Tree, "Hands Around My Throat" – Death in Vegas and of course... "He's Such a Coward He Can Laugh" – Makoto Yoshimori (Durarara! OST)

(((Orihara Izaya)))

He fought admirably, every time. And now that there was no risk of injury, his strength quadrupled. I was almost in as much awe as Shinra when I watched him drop every man I sent after him with little to no effort. It almost made me sad that he would never let me have my way with him again – not without rape charges anyway. The fantasy had crossed my mind, to measure the reaction of a victim, but I wasn't interested in sullying my hands like that. Let someone else do the dirty work.

Besides, Shizuo in his current state was far more fascinating at the moment.

I could no longer rely on the Blue Squares to do many errands anymore, so I had that car impounded with an impossible fine and those goons that jumped me either arrested or suddenly in deep debts. I needed some leverage against them, some rival force... but that idea, along with several others, was put on the back burner and came to fruition much later. Besides, whenever I wanted a few of them out of the way, I just crossed their paths with Shizuo. It was just too easy.

Shizuo burned in the forefront of my thoughts. His fiery glare every time he caught sight of me, the way his face contorted in fury and the sheer force of strength he displayed when he unleashed it upon some hapless large and heavy object to hurl with all the hatred he could muster at me ... I must confess, he was the subject of more than a few erotic dreams and solo adventures on my part. There were lovers here and there of course, girls or boys... whoever happened across my path that was interesting, but none compared to Shizuo, sadly. They bored me quickly and were discarded, often as fast as they were acquired.

Graduation came and went, with a hoarse, **"IIIIIIIIZAAAAAAYAAAAAA!"** every now and then when I decided to provoke the poor bastard into destroying something I needed out of the way … or just to fuck with him.

Shinra had trouble getting his full credentials for some reason even though he was smarter than any doctor I'd ever met, so I hooked him up with a job on the black market in the medical field. That way, I was guaranteed his help if I ever needed it. He was still valuable, after all.

Me? I knew Tokyo like the back of my hand, and a lot of people paid good money for that kind of familiarity. Especially the Yakuza. The big boys paid big bucks, and for a good five years I did what I do best: arranged, orchestrated and strategized criminal activity across the country. Who needs a real job when a suitcase of money is dropped in your lap to ensure the cops don't bust a coke run? Though it's laughable, the Yakuza's most illegal activity was actually the trafficking of uncensored pornography*. The kickback on that was … quite interesting.

Shizuo never really left my thoughts. And though putting people in tough spots to watch them squirm made me giddy with my intrigue over humans in general, one chess piece gathered dust on my game board. I zoned out on it for hours one night... then I just went on a whim. Stuffing it in my parka pocket, I ran out the door and made my way to Ikebukuro.

West Gate Tavern. The bar was small and dim. I guess all I wanted was to hear Shizuo scream my name in a tantrum, but I was not to be satisfied that night it seemed. As I took my seat at a bar stool and cheerfully ordered the most complex drink I could think of, Shizuo only sent me death glares, wearing the most depressing scowl I'd ever seen on his pretty face.

"Aw, Shizu-chan, why so sour?" I asked, spinning in my stool. "And why haven't you begun to try and smash bottles over my head yet?"

"This job is more important to me than smashing your face," he told me coldly, slamming my drink down in front of me. "Careful. I might have spit in it on accident."

"Nothing I haven't had in my mouth already," I laughed, taking a nice big gulp without a qualm.

"Pft. I'm busy. Piss off, _pest."_

"So now you have me intrigued!" I told him, stopping my spin and stirring my drink with the little plastic sword stuck through a cherry. "What could possibly be more important than killing me? I mean... come on! It's ME we're talking here!"

Shizuo clenched his teeth as I tested his self control. His eyes darted around the establishment, desperately seeking another customer to attend to so he didn't have to deal with me. Alas, it was Thursday night – quite dead. "It's none of your business. And I don't suppose you'll listen if I just tell you to get the hell out of my bar, will you?"

"Not a chance!" I replied with a smile. "You'll have to throw me out. Or possibly throw something heavy and unwieldy at me. That pool table maybe? Ooh, I know! What about that juke box over there?"

His fist came down on the bar with a loud crack against the wood, though it held. The few customers there and his coworker jumped and backed away. This was it! This was the reaction I've been waiting for all night!

"I'm only going to say this once you slimy piece of shit, so listen good," he growled in a freezing anger. _"It's. Over."_

..Or not.

It took a few seconds for that to sink in. I had to cock my head to one side, as if to let it seep through the ear I'd heard it through. "Over?" I parroted in confusion.

"Yes! Over!" He snapped. "As in I'm finished with you! Done! You're not worth my time or my energy anymore! Get out of my life! It's just NOT worth it! So go play your little games somewhere else!"

"You're serious!" I said dubiously. Stone faced. Wow. He really wasn't kidding. This wasn't good... if he didn't keep hating me so passionately, then he would start to hurt himself again. No, no, no … something had to be done about this, this wouldn't do at all!

It was now my Godsent duty to provoke him back into that rage.

"I'm not going to chase after you anymore," he said quietly. Though he meant it literally, I felt the meaning behind it. His past with me … had become his deity. And the fatigue of bearing it was interfering with the present focused fury he needed to stay in one piece after flying off the cuff.

Time to up the ante!

"Well sure you are, Shizu-chan!" I laughed, standing up on my stool and pointing at him. "I'm gonna make your life absolutely miserable tonight if you don't!"

"Sit down, you ass..."

"Mojitos for everybody!" I called, pulling out my wallet.

"That would be way more effective if there were more than six people here," Shizuo snorted.

"You're absolutely right!" I agreed, pulling out my phone.

_**To: All 09:27pm**_

_**FREE MOJITOS AT WEST GATE TAVERN! ALL NIGHT LONG, TONIGHT ONLY! TELL YOUR FRIENDS AND BE THERE! DOOOOO IT!**_

_**I 3 HUMANS!**_

"Shall I hit 'Send All?'" I asked smugly as I showed the text to him. He kept his face cold and hard with that slight frown. "How many people do you think are in an information broker's Contact List? Hm? Go on. Take a guess."

"I don't care."

"I'm not bluffing."

"I said I don't care!"

I grinned. **-SEND ALL-** "I wonder how long it will take them to get here..." I wondered aloud,waving my phone about as it hummed with vibration, repeating "Supersprode" over and over again while people began texting back. **"R U Serious?" "So there!" "You're awesome, Nakura!" "O RLY? Is it someone's birthday?" "Can I bring my buddies?" "You're nuts, Orihara! I love you!" "Is there a catch this time?" "What about LIITs? I hate mojitos..." "Is this a prank?" "PAR-TAAAAY!" "Since when do you drink, Izaya-kun?" "Be there in 30!" "I'm not even old enough to drink yet, idiot" "West Gate Tavern? Are you messing with Heiwajima-san or something?" "I'll come but I can't drink...and only if Kida-kun comes too." "You're seriously spamming me with this?" "Be right there!"**

Shizuo just continued to scowl. "Do your worst. I'm not your plaything anymore."

"My worst, eh?" I grinned evilly. "You're in for a night, Shizu-chan."

It took about ten minutes for people to start pouring in from all over Ikebukuro. The place was packed within the hour, and with only two bartenders on duty, Shizuo certainly had his hands full. And I really did do my worst. I paid someone to graffiti up the women's bathroom. I dumped fifty bucks in the juke box and put Hijiribe Ruri on repeat. I broke pool sticks, spilled drinks on the floor, got two college chicks to vomit profusely and convinced some guys to smoke a full pack of cigarettes and a dime of weed in the men's bathroom while jamming up the vent. Windows got broken, toilets and sinks were clogged, glasses got smashed; I even snuck into the kitchen and trashed all their prep work for the next week. I started two fights (neither of which I participated in) and even got a blowjob in a corner. It was a miracle that the police didn't show up at some point.

I must have dropped almost two grand that night, trying to get Shizuo mad enough to come at me.

I'd never seen such self control in him before. Whatever was making this job so important to keep was doing wonders to keep him in check. Oh, his eyebrow was twitching all night and he was short and ornery with just about everybody there. He kicked at least twenty people out (not counting the six times he tried to use his authority to make _me_ leave without putting his hands on me) and made no attempt to be polite to anyone.

"GET **OUT**, IT'S TWO, WE'RE **CLOSING!**" he finally bellowed.

I hopped up to the bar and made kissy faces at him. "Do my worst, eh?"

"You are without a doubt the biggest douchebag in the history of man," Shizuo sneered. "But I'm standing my ground. I don't like violence, I don't like being angry and I don't like YOU. You make this town reek, you know that? But I don't care if you do this every night for the rest of my career. I made a promise, and I'm gonna keep it, no matter what you do, understand pest?" He glared at his coworker. "Yoko-chan, go turn that shit off already!"

"There's still twenty-eight plays of Hijiribe left..."

"I don't care! Unplug it if you have to! HEY, I SAID GET **OUT**, MAGGOTS!"

"Wouldn't it be easier to chuck it out the window?" I jeered. I took out a packet of powder and dumped some on the bar. Shizuo's eyes got wide. "Oh what, are you gonna call the cops?"

"Get that shit out of here."

"Or what? This place is in violation of at least seven major laws at this point … you really want to get this joint shut down?" I zipped a straw down to a quarter length with the flickblade in my pocket and snorted the whole pile before Shizuo could stop me, despite his shock. Hello, _head_ rush!

"You're... disgusting."

I sniffed and wiped my nose, then grinned. "Well you're gonna beat the crap outta me after you clean up this mess, aren't you? I'd rather not feel you break my arm..."

"Get out," he whispered.

"What is this _promise_ you've made, Shizu-chan? Is there a girl in your life or something?"

"Just … go."

"She must be something to grant you this kind of restraint..."

"Izaya."

"Hm?"

"...Please."

Maybe I'd snorted too much and was a bit more inebriated than I had intended.

I shrugged. "Okay."

So I left.

But I didn't go far.

It was five in the morning before Shizuo or his coworker were able to leave there was such a mess, and I heard him call someone else in for an early shift to finish up that day. I was waiting for him by the back entrance as he dragged himself out and locked the door, sighing in fatigue. I almost felt sorry for him.

Almost.

He took two steps and I jumped on his back, laughing uncontrollably.

"THE _HELL –?"_

"Oooooooohayou** Shizu-chan!" I cried, hanging on as he whipped about, trying to dislodge me.

"**GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME ORIHARA! THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?"**

"I'm provoking you, moron!" I laughed. "Isn't it obvious? How can you be so thick?"

Shizuo threw himself backwards against the brick wall to try and crush me, but I hopped on his shoulders and jumped in front of him, landing on a fire hydrant and balancing nimbly. He was shaking his attempt to keep his rage under control by now. He took several deep breaths and regained his composure slightly.

"Why?"

"_Why?"_ I repeated.

"What's the point of all this? It's been five years! Haven't you found someone else to harass yet?"

"Several!" I told him. I started to count on my fingers. "Shall I name them? Kida-kun, Saki-chan, Horada-chan, Dotachin and his merry band of–"

"So go bother them!"

"Ah, but none of _them_ can lift vending machines, let alone throw them!" I hopped down and slithered behind him, pressing the edge of my flickblade against the small of his back and touching my lips to his ear. He stiffened instantly. "I haven't forgotten, and I know damn well you haven't. I'm here because there is something I don't know, and we can't have that."

Shizuo tried to make some kind of snide comment, but I started tracing tiny circles on his spine with my blade, which quieted him. Still a sucker for edgeplay. He only swallowed, clenching and unclenching his fists in an erotically recognizable manner.

"Does it have to do with these snazzy outfits you've been wearing lately?" I whispered, starting to nibble his ear, which had gotten quite warm as the blood rushed to his face. Out of anger or lust? I had to wonder; this was Shizu-chan after all, and he wasn't so easy to pin when it came to human reaction, despite his predictability. _Come on... come on... take a swing at me … this has to be really pissing you off..._ "They do look good on you, by the way. But I have to wonder... what would you promise in order to elevate this crappy job over your hatred for me? And to whom?"

"If I tell you, will you leave me alone?" Shizuo asked softly.

"For a period of time that reflects your answer..." I agreed, running my other hand under his shirt. I felt his heart pounding, his breath quicken and goosebumps erupt across his skin.

"Knock it off, I'm trying to think!" he hissed, trying to shrug me off.

I pressed the blade a little more firmly into his back and he stopped struggling. "Multitask then," I cooed, coaxing his nipples to stand on end. He broke out into a slight sweat; the feeling of it, the smell of it... like an aphrodisiac! It was a real thrill to know that I still had such a dramatic effect on him. He certainly still held sway over me. In a physical sense anyway, as my genitals would remind me... "Tell me."

He lowered his head a little. "Kasuka."

"Your brother?"

"Yes. He thinks that this job keeps me out of trouble. He wants me to keep it, and if I go off the deep end without a good reason, I'll get fired. I can't lose this job. There's no doubt in my mind that you know I can't keep a gig for shit. The minute I lose control, it's over. At least here if someone pisses me off I can use the bouncer excuse, but I can only go so far. If I come after you the way I want to ..."

"And you do want to..." I assured silkily, playing with the button on his pants teasingly; threateningly.

"I'm hoping your satisfied you sick fuck. You've got me in a corner. I want to do the worst to you – I'd be locked away if I ever got my hands on you. If I could, it would be worth it! But my hands are tied. And I'm tired of hating you so much. I'm moving on. You should too."

"Tired of hating me?" I demanded, then I bit his shoulder so he gasped and shook with anger at my control over his body and how much it wanted me. "No, no, no Shizu-chan! Don' t ever stop hating me!"

"Why not?"

I thought about that answer. If I told him the truth, he might mistakenly get the notion that I cared or something, and then the effect of protecting his bodily homeostasis would be utterly lost. _Come on, Izaya, think up something to really make him lose it! _

"Because I'll never stop hating you," I whispered firmly, taking his iron cock in my hand. I couldn't believe how hard he'd become, and that statement for some reason only intensified the erection. I could literally feel his heart skip a beat against his ribs as his breath hitched for a moment.

It took him a few minutes to speak again, and I'm not sure if it was because of the handjob I was giving him or the shock of what I'd said. Probably a bit of both. "Say what you want. Do what you want. I'm not losing this job over you. Period. Kasuka is more important to me than _you_ ever were. I _will not_ pursue you anymore."

"No matter what?" I asked.

"No matter what," he repeated solidly.

"You say that, but take a look at exactly what you're doing right now," I chuckled. "I'm jerking you off, idiot. I'm thirty seconds away from raping you right here. Heh, but then again, you can't deny that you'd love every minute of it. I really hope that makes you mad as hell – the fact that you can't shake the way I make you feel. I'm gonna pull you around like a ragdoll. You're going to be my puppet, Shizuo. I control you, you know that? You're mine."

"You're saying these things to make me angry," Shizuo replied shakily. "It's not going to work. I'm not going to attack you."

"What if I lean you over that railing and fuck you like the bitch you are?"

"Pft. Do it. I want you to. Just to show you that you do NOT control me."

Reverse psychology? "Nice try, Shizu-chan." So I did exactly that. I shoved him forward and he tripped over the railing, loose pants slipping down just enough for my attack. I slathered two fingers in my mouth and shoved them in, releasing my own swelling cock from its painful captivity with my other hand. Shizuo hunched forward and gripped the railing, clenching his teeth. "Been a while since you've had it up the ass, eh Shizu-chan?"

"I'm not giving you the pleasure of resisting. Just get off and go away," he managed, though it was very clear that he was aroused as all hell. As much as an interesting venture rape might have been... I'm not sure you can rape the willing. Close enough however, enough to make me burn with the desire to make him my cockdoll.

"Should I make you hurt?" I hissed, leaning over him with my cock at his entrance. "Or should I make you moan my name, just like back then? How do you want it, Shizu-chan? Either way, I'm going to make your body wish you'd _never_ left me..."

He didn't reply, only grunted as the third finger stretched him. Oh I was going to hurt him this time, and he knew it. The best part was that he loved it. No, I take that back. The _very_ best part was that he HATED how much he loved it.

He must not have ever had a male lover after me – he was as tight as the first evening he ever spent with me, so I had to guide my cock in a little slower than I would have liked for at least my own comfort. I mean, I didn't really care that Shizuo was in for a world of pain, but I didn't want to actually do real _damage._ Although as soon as I was in I had his hips and I ground into him mercilessly. I couldn't tell if the noises he was making were out of pain or pleasure. Most likely a bit of both because when I reached around to torment his cock it was still rock hard.

"I'm going to reforge you, Shizuo," I told him breathlessly, a little more excited than I should have been. It was probably the drugs still circulating in me. I massaged the head of his erection with my thumb in rhythm with my thrusts into him, slippery from his desire. I could see the railing bend in his fists slightly, so I continued spouting off what was coming to mind on a whim – it never failed to be provocative, almost like a euphoric glossolalia. "But first I have to break you – I'm going to break you into a million pieces! Then you're going to bend and mold to my liking – you are my plaything, just like every other human out there! But there's a difference between you and all those wonderful people I love, you know that? Huh? What do you think the difference is, Shizu-chan? Come on, take a guess! FUCK ME, you're an amazing cockdoll, _ANSWER ME!"_

"I don't know!" he shouted finally in frustration. _"I don't know,_ just shut up! Shut up! Shut _UP!"_

"THE DIFFERENCE IS THAT I HATE YOU, SHIZUO!" I cried in elation, feeling my climax build up inside of me, welling up through my cock and getting ready to explode. "I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU, **I FUCKING HATE YOU! AHAHAHAHAHAAA!" **

I let go and came harder than I ever had in five years, if not my whole life. I could feel the heat in my face, my hands shake and my laughter peter out weakly to a few giddy giggles without my consent. Oh it couldn't have been more perfect. I'd made Shizuo go off in my hand almost in time with myself. I watched him hit his head against the railing in shame as he did. I was worried that he wouldn't to spite me, but I was glad my assessment of his lust was accurate. He just couldn't help it.

After I'd caught my breath, I zipped up my pants and crossed my arms, waiting for him to turn around and swing at me.

He just stood there, bending the railing.

"Come on, Shizu-chan, that had to be humiliating," I told him. "Go on. Hit me. I'll even let you land one!"

"No."

"Eh?"

"_NO."_

"I can't believe how stubborn you are! For fuck's sake, I just raped you!"

"I am NOT your little marionette. I refuse to dance on your stupid little stage or act out your twisted expectations!" he growled. "Don't get me wrong. This will NOT happen again – I WILL defend myself. But I am standing my ground. You can't make me come after you anymore. Get it through your head: WE'RE THROUGH."

I blinked. My very worst had certainly _dented_ his willpower, but it just hadn't been enough! This … _promise_ he'd made to his brother was just too strong a leaning post for him. It baffled me that I couldn't overcome it! His love was stronger than his hate? How fairytale!

"Tch. How cliché, as always," I told him seriously. "Alright, Shizu-chan, this round goes to you, and I commend you! It couldn't have been easy. But you're wrong. We're not through. And you've just put way more on the line than you bargained for." I grinned and waved. "Ciao, then!"

I lost my grin as soon as I turned away. No, no, no, no! That rage _had_ to be aimed at me or that dumbass was going to crumble under its pressure! I needed him! That brat Kida and the Yellow Scarves were just setups for a much bigger plan. Shizuo was one of my key Ikebukuro players, it would mess _everything_ up if he were out of the picture too long! _Gah! _How frustrating!

That job had to go.

*True fact!

**Japanese for 'good morning'


	8. Crime and Punishment

**He's Such a Coward He Can Laugh**

**Chapter Eight**

**Crime and Punishment**

_A/N: Aaaannd one more drug reference for fun :) Find the mainstream music reference this time!_

Recommended Listening: "What If?" – Creed "Mudshovel" – Staind "Hit the Floor" – Linkin Park

(((Heiwajima Shizuo)))

I didn't expect Izaya to keep his promise of leaving me alone even for a little while, but surprisingly, he was gone for a whole three months. Things were blissfully quiet for a bit, even when I threw an obnoxious patron or two out the door and halfway across the block. I was just starting to think that just maybe I'd shaken him by not giving into his taunting when that sadistic pest turned my world upsidown again.

If I thought I hated him before, I was dead wrong.

It was Saturday afternoon, so business was picking up for the night. It was a holiday weekend, so almost everyone was on shift, including my boss in anticipation of a busy night. If Izaya hadn't brought in so much business that one night, the damages he caused would have cost a fortune. I would have rather he just went and fucked himself regardless of the near $500 total tips we'd gotten, but Yoko had been pestering me to bring the bastard back for round two.

Not a chance in hell, I'd kept telling her.

I was smoking out back when the door opened. "Shizuo-san, your friend is here."

"Huh?" Did she mean Celty?

"Hi, hi, Shizu-chan!" He poked his head out around Yoko and grinned that stupid grin.

My eyebrow started to twitch. Okay, I can keep it together. He couldn't possibly push me any further than he had last fall. If I could hold out then, this time shouldn't be a problem. Keep your cool, Shizuo. Feet on the ground, head on your shoulders. Kasuka. Just keep thinking of what you promised Kasuka.

"The hell do you want, pest?" I sneered.

"Just checking up on you!" Izaya lied. "I dare say this is the longest stretch you've ever held a job for, isn't it?"

"What's it matter to you?" I snapped. "I thought I told you we were done."

He skipped around me and plucked the cigarette out of my mouth to take a drag for himself. He then tried to replace it on my lips but I slapped it away, knocking it out of his hand. I stomped on it and turned to follow Yoko back inside.

Izaya's arms were around my waist without warning, forcing me to stop. "Don't leave," he said quietly.

I was torn, and furious that I was torn at all. My baser instincts felt pity and wanted to sigh and oblige him. My more rational side raged that he was still playing these stupid games. I knew this was just an act. "What are you up to now?" I asked over my shoulder coldly.

"I'm sorry."

There was a long silence between us. I turned and looked him hard in the eye. They oozed sincerity; he seemed almost hurt. I knew better.

"I don't believe you," I said at last. And I turned back into the bar, slamming the door in his face.

Asshole.

The assault was sudden and shocking, not only to me but everyone there. About an hour after Izaya left, four police officers just busted in out of nowhere. Before anyone could ask what the problem was, three of them grabbed me and pinned me to the bar, frisking me without any explanation.

"What the fuck is this?" I demanded.

"Is … is there a problem, officers?" my boss asked, a little taken aback.

"Has there been any drug trafficking here, Yoshimori-san?" the one in charge asked, thoroughly searching under and around the bar.

"Absolutely not!" he insisted. "What's going on here, Heiwajima-kun?"

"I have no idea!" I shouted angrily. "Get the hell off of me! This is an outrage!"

"He's got a gram, sir," one of them said. And to my utter horror, he pulled a little sealable plastic baggie from my pocket, along with a white knight chess piece. In an instant, I knew exactly why Izaya had initiated contact today.

"Heiwajima-san!" Yoko gasped.

"This... this is unbelievable... UNACCEPTABLE..." I tried to say, a crushing weight on my chest. "You son of a bitch... you **SON OF A BITCH!"** I threw the cops off of me and stormed towards the door.

"Hold it! You're under arrest!"

"_Iiiiizzaaaayaaaaaaaaaaaaa...!"_

"Back up! We need back up!"

It was blur. That anger returned tenfold like a tsunami washing over me. I flipped cars. People went flying. Road signs and traffic lights were ripped up. All I remember was being pinned against a chain link fence somehow, and catching a glimpse of him in the slew of police lights and sirens. I wasn't trying to avoid the law. No, I was trying to get to him. I'd do anything to destroy him, to rip him to pieces and scatter his remains to the edges of the earth. And all he did … was smirk with a wink.

"**!"**

Once they found that my fingerprints weren't even on the bag, the drug charges were dropped. It helped that I passed every drug test they threw at me. Shinra submitted a medical statement for me stating some kind of emotional instability, so I got off with a few months of probation and anger management for resisting arrest and a fine for damages to public property.

I stood outside the police station and took out my phone.

**To: Nabiri Yoko 11:02pm**

**Am I still on the schedule for next week?**

**a crow left of the murder**

I waited for her reply in a kind of numb stupor. It started to rain a little.

**From: Nabiri Yoko 11:08pm**

**No. I'm sorry.**

**Ruri 4 life!**

**To: Nabiri Yoko 11:10pm**

**Thanks**

**a crow left of the murder**

That was it then. I couldn't keep my promise to Kasuka. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to feel. It started to downpour, and all I could do was stand there and wonder why I was so empty. It wasn't so much that I was worried that I wouldn't be able to ever find a job in this town – certainly on my mind – but that I failed my brother. He only asked one thing of me, and … I failed.

"Oh, if it isn't Shizuo-chan!"

I looked over and was taken aback to see Tanaka Tom under an umbrella. He had been a year ahead of me in middle-school, and I hadn't really seen him in a long time. "Hey," I replied hollowly.

"You look like hell."

"Yeah."

"No man, you really look like shit. I'd feel bad if I just passed you by and didn't at least offer an ear to listen. Hey, I've got a discount coupon to that Russian Sushi joint around the corner. Come on, man, cheer up."

I was too depressed to argue. I didn't really spill my guts to him or anything, but I did answer his questions honestly, so he at least got the gist of what was going on. I hardly touched my food.

"Shizuo! Be happy!" Simon told me, looming over us at our booth with a big smile. "Sushi makes people happy, yes? Eat and be happy!"

"Your Japanese sucks," I muttered.

"You been fighting again, Shizuo? Fighting is bad you know. Look you mess your bartender clothes up."

"Thank you Simon-san, I'll spare you vending machine this time," I sighed, poking at the sushi with my chopsticks miserably. He laughed and moved onto other customers, butchering the local dialect while trying to push more sushi on them.

"I've heard stories about you, Shizuo-chan," Tom said. "Is it true you took on twenty guys with nothing but a stop sign?"

"Tch. Yeah, that was a long time ago, but it's true," I replied, smiling emptily.

"You threw a car at Orihara-san or something?"

"It was a steel bench, but yeah. The car was at that delivery job a few years back."

"I need someone like you, Shizuo-chan," Tom said seriously. "You think you can help me out?"

"Help you what?"

"Let's say... I collect debts. And sometimes people get... irate. I could use a little intimidation factor, and maybe a bit of muscle back up, you know?"

"I'm not doing anything illegal."

"No, no, I wouldn't ask you to do that. You have a reputation, you know. You, my friend, are rumored to be the strongest man in Ikebukuro."

"Pft. Shut up."

"I'm not kidding! Look, I'll pay you at least twice as much of what you were making at the Tavern. I might deal with shady people who might dabble in less than legal dealings, but all I do is collect the money. All you do is look scary and make sure my ass stays in one piece. You know nothing. Sound fair?"

I shrugged. What else could I do? "Yeah. Why not. It's not like I have anything else I can do in this town."

My phone lit up and "Du Hast" came on. I glared at it for a minute, letting it dance across the table as it vibrated. The name "Shit Head" appeared in the window.

"Are you going to answer that?" Tom asked.

-REJECT- "No," I snapped, clenching my teeth and starting to tremble. I could feel it. I was going to lose it. **-ONE NEW VOICEMAIL-** It started to vibrate and Rammstein sang again. -REJECT-... **-TWO NEW VOICEMAILS-** Vibrate and blare. -REJECT-... **-THREE NEW VOICEMAILS-**

"Who's 'Shit Head'?" Tom asked, sounding amused. "Whoever it is, they really want to get a hold of you."

"Shit Head can go fuck himself," I growled. The phone came alive again. I finally threw it open. _"What the fuck do you want you sadistic, twisted freak of nature?"_ I shouted. Tom jumped, as did other customers.

"Aren't we hostile tonight?" Izaya laughed.

"I see you, I kill you," I told him fiercely. "I will stuff your corpse in a dumpster and throw it into the river so they'll never find your slimy ass!"

"Aw, that's not nice. Say, are you working next Friday?"

"You are walking on thin ice you little shit. I'm going to get my ass over to Shinjuku and strangle you on your home turf if you keep this up!"

"Oh, you lost your job? That's too bad..."

"BECAUSE OF YOU!"

"I know." I could feel him grin over the phone.

I stood up and threw my half full plate across the room. "I know you're smirking. I know you're messing with me. Why I'll never know, and at this point I don't care. I have no reason to hold back anymore. I AM GOING TO KILL YOU IN YOUR SLEEP, YOU HEAR ME?"

"Shizuo, talk like that is bad!" Simon scolded. "You scare people, they can't be happy! Don't fight!"

"Shut up you Russian freak!" I yelled.

"Oh, Russian Sushi?" Izaya asked. "What a coincidence! I just ordered take out! Say, which is your favorite, maybe I'll save you some..."

The chopsticks in my other hand snapped in two. I jumped up and ran out the door. "Shizuo-chan, wait!" Tom cried, scrambling up to follow.

There he was, standing with his back to the crosswalk, glancing at his phone as he realized that I had hung up on him. He turned to look at me and smiled in that sadistic manner. "There you are..."

"IIIIIIIIIZAAAAAAAYAAAAAAAA-KUUUUUUN!" I screamed, snapping a streetlamp in half and chucking it across the street.

He skipped out of the way merrily. "Now that's more like it!"

"YOU WONT' GET AWAY THIS TIME!" I ran after him, ignoring the traffic signals. Cars screeched to a halt and people cried obscenities at me. I didn't care. All I could see was Izaya, who was putting his phone back in his pocket and setting what he had ordered aside. I swung at him, and he just danced away, using benches, trashcans and telephone poles to preform acrobatics in avoidance of my onslaught.

I heard several whistles and maneuvered out of the way. I wasn't stupid, I knew why his hand was in his pocket, even though I could barely see it move. Three knives zipped by, leaving little rips in my clothes and cuts on my skin in their wake. I couldn't feel it. It's like when my anger took over, I couldn't feel pain. It just didn't register. And oh, my rage was in full swing.

Though they had missed their mark, it seemed Izaya had anticipated my dodge. The blades had been thrown with such speed and force that they had severed a "Don't litter!" sign overhead. I caught it before it could hit my head and hauled it at him. He stepped aside and made a show of yawning.

"Welp! That's enough fun for today," he sighed cheerfully. He hopped on top of a bus stop booth and waved.

"You're a coward!" I cried in frustration.

"And I'm laughing!" he replied.

"How can you be such a coward and laugh?"

"Because!" He balanced on one foot and twirled his flickblade deftly. "I _love_ being a coward! See ya!" He then proceeded to car hop across the street while vehicles were stopped at a red light. I started to give chase when a very large hand grabbed me by the cuff of my shirt and picked me up. I only knew one guy who would dare lay his hands on me like that, and even have the strength to almost equal my own. He hadn't done this since high school, and yet I knew exactly who it was.

"SIMON-SAN, YOU PUT ME DOWN THIS INSTANT OR I'LL KICK THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF YOU!" I howled, kicking.

"Let Izaya go, Shizuo," he told me calmly. "Not worth it today, yeah? Come. Finish your sushi. Tom is waiting."

Izaya was long gone by now. I sighed and stopped struggling. Simon put me down and brushed me off. I glared at him. "Interfere again, and I'm gonna punch the tar out of you."

"Hanasho is on special, Shizuo! Don't fight. Fighting is bad. Come, come!"

"You really need to learn how to address people..." I sighed as I followed him back into the restaurant. Tom was all smiles. "Sorry about that..."

"Consider that you're interview. You're hired!"

Well, if that's what the job entailed...

But the next time I see Izaya in Ikebukuro, I'm gonna kill him dead. I don't care what it will take.

****END** **


	9. Epilogue

**He's Such a Coward He Can Laugh**

**Epilogue**

"You have five unheard messages in your inbox. Message one:

'Shizu-chaaaaaaaan! Pick up! You're not mad, are you? Oh, well I guess you would be, huh? You're just too easy to jab at. I don't suppose you have that game piece of mine? I sort of want it back. I'll try again in a few, I know you made bail. Tell Tom-san I said hi! Peace!'

"End of message. To delete, press four. To archive, press seven. Message deleted. Message two:

'Hey Shizuo, it's Kasuka. Listen, I've gotten very busy at the studio. I'm going to have to cancel our meet up next week. Maybe next time I'm in town I'll call. Bye.'

"End of message. To delete – message deleted. Message three:

'Shiiiiiiiizu-chan, I know you're there! If you don't pick up, I'm gonna fill your inbox with really annoying songs! Here I go! _This is the song that never ends! Yes it goes on and on my –'_

"Message deleted. Message four:

'This is a reminder for Heiwajima Shizuo-san. Your subscription is about to expire, and if –'

"Message deleted. Message five:

"... Shizuo. I … don't know what your thinking right now. Maybe that's why I can't stand you. Unlike other humans, you don't stick to the plan. You turn my expectations on their head! So... I just wanted to say … … … it's not … *sigh* … psh. Fuck it."

"End of message. To delete, press four. To archive, press seven.

…

Message saved. End of new messages."


End file.
